Quote from Forum Archives on January 18, 2002, 10:08 am

Posted by: homenews <homenews@...>

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THE HOPE CHEST: Ideas and Inspiration for Home Education
Issue #47 part 2
January/February 2002
Educating for Excellence
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RESPONSIBLE HANDS, RESPONSIBLE HEARTS
AN AUTHOR INTERVIEW WITH GINA WIDHOLM
AND RESOURCE VIEW BY VIRGINIA KNOWLES
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I first "met" Gina Widholm on Terri Maxwell’s Titus 2 Mom’s Board
(www.titus2.com) and was instantly attracted to her down-to-earth
wisdom about child rearing. I contacted her by e-mail for information
about her Responsible Hearts package for Scripture memory, and her
Responsible Hands package for children’s chores. She graciously agreed to
an interview and sent me review copies of her materials. I am even more
impressed than I was at first! So, without further adieu, here’s Gina!
** VQK ** TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY!

** GW **
THE WIDHOLM FAMILY: WHO WE ARE!

We are a grafted tree family! I just love that imagery. What I mean by
that is God has built our family through the blessing of adoption. At
this point in time, there are only 5 of us: Erik (Husband and Papa), Gina
(Wife and Mama), Jenna (5 almost six), Aleksander (3), Nikolas (2). Then,
of course, there is our Jack Russell Terrier, Winston, who has deceived
himself into thinking he is a child as well, but we’ll allow him this
petty delusion. :o)

All of our children come from the vast and beautiful country of Russia.
Jenna and Aleksander came from Irkutsk, Siberia which is just above
Mongolia. Nikolas came from St. Petersburg, rich in beautiful
architecture and history of the czars. Our family lives in Gurnee,
Illinois which is about 45 minutes north of Chicago where my husband
works as an Information Systems Administrator for Moody Bible Institute.
It is our prayer and hope that at His time, the Lord will call us back to
Russia again to add two more children to our family. Until then, we work
hard at laying new foundations in our children’s lives and allowing the
Holy Spirit to continue to refine us as parents in character as we seek
to lead our children.

** VQK ** WHAT IS IT LIKE TO ADOPT A CHILD FROM OVERSEAS? GIVE A SNIPPET
FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE -- BOTH THE JOYS AND THE FEARS.
** GW **
As a new Mama-to-be, I remember my husband, Erik and I standing in a
small room eagerly awaiting the entrance of our first child, a daughter
3.5 years old, Zhenya (Jenna). Questions raced through my mind. It was
like having a tiny identity crisis in a matter of seconds: What will she
be like? Will she be frightened of us? What if she really doesn't want a
Mama and Papa? What if I disappoint her? What in the world ARE WE DOING!
Then I peeked around the corner just in time to see an extremely petite
child with a huge pouf bow on her head which gave exaggerated meaning to
the phrase "gift wrapped packaging." I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was
beautiful. A few hours later, we saw our new little boy and he shocked
us! His introduction was a bit more of a wake up call. In fact, they had
just woken him up from his nap to meet his new parents and he wasn’t at
all happy. To add to this reality check, we were so jet lagged and raw
from traveling that I couldn’t help but swallow hard when I saw him hoard
and cram a cup of curds, eight little cookies and fairly hot tea into his
mouth as fast as possible. Now with a much shakier voice I said, "So,
this is my son." I needed assurance. These were to become MY CHILDREN!
Soon I would become their mother! Months of anticipation, praying in
empty bedrooms, staring at their pictures and watching the video over and
over again made those few first moments with each child indescribably
wonderful because of our fulfilled hope of having children of our own and
yet I was suddenly very nervous. We had no idea how to be parents. At
least with a baby you can gradually move into that learning process, but
a toddler and preschooler with full blown personalities and habits
already intact! WOW! Where are those parenting manuals when you need
them? We needed wisdom - and fast!

But God…He always provides. He is faithful to His promise to give wisdom
to those who ask and without finding fault. "By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms
are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3,4 The Lord
saw fit to answer our prayers and fill those excess bedrooms through the
blessing of adoption and we lovingly dubbed our first two children our
"Siberian Treasures". They certainly are our treasures. But becoming
instant parents of a toddler and a preschooler gave us a HUGE reality
check. We desperately needed God’s intervention in every detail of our
daily lives. We felt inadequate in every way and most days as a new
mother I felt utterly defeated and drained. Because of the circumstances
of their beginnings, our two little children gave full meaning to the
Proverb, "a child left to himself disgraces his mother". They had poor
foundations. They didn’t have a framework for "family". They had no sense
of belonging. As far as they were concerned we were just an extra set of
caretakers. At times they were fiercely independent and strangely
detached. As a family we needed to somehow find a way to "recreate" in
them and in us a sense of belonging, loyalty and trust. Because of the
breakdown in the American family today, we want to emphasize that
building such things into a family isn’t exclusive to adoptive families.
Toddler adoption is simply the framework which we are familiar with, but
these principles apply to family in general. Our zeal should be to turn
our hearts toward our children and make sure their hearts stay turned
toward us. Our adoption experience just made that truth jump out at us
with urgent necessity. But at some point, we all must make the decision
toward such an investment whether our families are built biologically or
through adoption.

HOMESCHOOLING AND THE DAILY GRIND: AN EXCELLENT WAY TO BUILD FAMILY
FOUNDATIONS

After praying so hard to get our children and investing so much in them
during their first two years with us, we found it hard to even think of
allowing anyone else to possibly capture their hearts, their affections
and maybe even chip away at the foundations we were working so hard to
solidify in their lives. Homeschooling seemed to shout out to us over and
over again. Through homeschooling, we could continue to lay those
necessary building blocks in our children’s lives. Actually, it is the
adoption itself that has made our commitment to homeschool all the more
earnest. We see this as a blessed opportunity to build relationship with
our children, be vigilant over their character development, establishing
them in the Lord and giving them constant reaffirmation of "family". We
are beginning to see child rearing as an extended opportunity to disciple
our children and therefore God’s word, prayer and training them in
dependence on Christ is becoming more and more a focus of our parenting.
Here are seven blessings we have found homeschooling provides for
building solid family foundations. There might be more, but these are the
ones we’re working on right now:
1) Daily and constant reaffirmation of "family" and its importance
2) Reaffirmation of God’s proper hierarchy of authority within the family
which brings stability and peace to our children’s lives

3) Character training, which is a visible sign of parental love,
commitment, faithfulness and constancy which produces trust

4) Opportunity to disciple them by making God’s word central to their
thoughts through Scripture memorization, Bible stories and Bible reading
throughout the day, using Scripture to address character issues and
leading them to pray continually (example: praying before going out as a
family, praying for guests who come to our home, talking indoor Jericho
walks as we pray for each family member, praying about personal character
issues that arise, giving thanks to the Lord for victory)

5) Including them and encouraging them to be a part of the family by
taking on family responsibilities and working together to maintain our
home: chores, attitudes of helpfulness, training willingness to serve
others

6) Sibling relationships can be honed to be supportive, encouraging and
develop a sense of loyalty and interdependence. Homeschooling affords the
opportunity to practice loving attitudes by catching nasty responses and
taking the time to renew our children’s minds through training in what is
good, kind, loving.

7) In our unique situation, as questions arise, we have a glorious
opportunity to put our children’s past history into the proper context of
God’s great and glorious purposes that work out for good. We can at any
moment reaffirm to our children His love by reminding them of His
choosing. They are reaffirmed in our love as displayed by our daily
commitment to be their parents, teachers and disciplers. We believe such
a focus will help them grapple with any concerns that arise as they grow
older and they are given more information regarding the facts of their
abandonment. They will be properly sheltered from unfair or stereotyped
versions of their adoption. We can give information to them truthfully
rather than have peer groups instill doubt, fear or faulty understanding
of their background or adoption in general.

** VQK ** WHAT DO YOU FEEL SHOULD BE THE PRIMARY FOCUS IN EDUCATION IN
THE ELEMENTARY YEARS? WHY?
** GW **
Maybe you've noticed in the list above the conspicuous absence of
subjects such as mathematics, reading, history, geography and science.
Actually, these will slowly be included in our schedule as time goes on.
I'm really brand new at homeschooling, but I've caught a vision that has
convinced me that firm foundations are created by a primary focus on
Christ and character which then become the stability for further
educational pursuits. We have found this especially true for our
experience with our children who are in their younger years. Here are
three things we believe are essential and we are committed to working on
and why:
1) Relationship Building: Through participation in daily activities with
parents we can build relationship. WOW, this is so hopeful and
encouraging to know. Including our children is the key. Cooking, hobbies
(sewing, drawing, woodworking), separating special family fun events and
times and most of all just "being" in the same room with one another
provides a sense of building relationship and family closeness. Reading
and discussing is a great way to build relationship. I’ve just discovered
the freedom of adding an extra read aloud time from books that are not
illustrated and might even be a bit challenging. My children don’t have
to be strapped to my side with 100% attention riveted on the book
illustrations. They can quietly build Lincoln Log houses, put Dolly to
bed and do puzzles while I read aloud from the sofa. I’ve been amazed at
how much they pick up and how much they can narrate back to me, not to
mention the vocabulary questions that arise. This stretches their
auditory skills and they just love being with Mama. I was encouraged by a
homeschool friend to do this and she pointed me to a resource, "Ten
Things to Do with Your Children Before the Age Ten" by Harvey and Laurie
Bluedorn. Amazingly, I found the Lord already leading our family in the
direction emphasized in that article. Once again, He granted us wisdom
and confirmation through other brothers and sisters in Christ.

2) Chores: I can not begin to tell you the benefit we have received, and
10 fold more than we expected through the simple investment of training
our children in daily responsibilities and chores. Chores are loaded with
skill learning opportunities. Categorization, organization, development
of manual skills are constant interactions a child uses while doing a
simple chore such as unloading a dishwasher or separating and folding a
load of fresh smelling laundry. They develop a great sense of
self-confidence and a heart for serving others through training in
helpfulness. This ties right into hospitality and works against
selfishness in the life of a child. Having adopted our children in their
toddler years, we didn’t realize how much this would benefit our family.
We started noticing a rapid increase in their sense of "belonging". They
were able to contribute to the family and so they were in effect helping
to "build our family" and "bless the family" in a very personal way. The
great side benefit is the fact that all of these skills become building
blocks for education. Language, mathematics, sciences and all disciplines
require an ability to categorize and organize information. Chores afford
a young child the ability to practice those concepts ahead of time and
build a framework for future disciplines in study. What is more, for the
younger children (toddlers through Kindergarten) who are in the stage of
practicing gross motor skills, chores fit the bill. Everything is pretty
much a gross motor skill with practice here and there in greater detail.

3) Scripture Memorization and Intercessory Prayer: Here again, I can not
emphasize the incredible correlation to homeschooling. As a matter of
fact, Scripture memorization and prayer are foundational to sound
thinking and developing discernment skills. Every passage we have
memorized has been transferred over to daily living, character training
and even education. We just finished "In the Beginning" a scaled down
version of Genesis 1 (as they grow older we’ll revisit and memorize all
the details). Suddenly a question arises, "Mama, what are clouds made
of?" I simply asked them to quote me what God created on the second day.
A quick mental check and then they repeat to me: "And God said, "Let
there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water…God
called the expanse "sky"." I ask, "So, Honey, what do you think clouds
are made of?" "WATER, Mama!" "Yup! You got it!" If we wish, we can add to
that further information, but in effect we just had a "Shema moment"
(Deuteronomy 6), or for the sake of this article, a "homeschooling
moment".

** VQK ** WHAT MATERIALS HAVE YOU PRODUCED, WHAT IS IN THEM, AND HOW CAN
WE ORDER THEM?

** GW ** The above explanation of what our family focuses on gives us
away. We actually have a small family business, ResponsibleHands.com with
a division called Responsible Hearts. ResponsibleHands.com was created
when I decided to take on the challenge of training my toddler and
preschooler in "responsibility" and "helpfulness" through chores. I
created colorful charts and spent hours drawing images that fit the main
household chores I knew they could and should learn to accomplish. I
personalized them and set them up on the refrigerator. It became their
personal chore schedule and they immediately took ownership of their new
responsibilities. For Mama, it became a constant reminder to follow
through with my commitment to train them. The packages come with a
colorful, laminated "Helping Hands Chore Chart" (10 colors to chose
from), 18-20 magnetic chore icons, personalized magnet with child’s name,
40 page Tips Booklet, Chore Training Goals Sheet and Child’s Training and
Encouragement Chart (not laminated).

Responsible Hearts is a system we created to help our children get
excited about memorizing whole passages of Scripture by investing 10-15
minutes a day on the same passage, emphasizing the visual, auditory,
kinesthetic approaches to learning, as well as gaining context through
constant rereading of the Bible story surrounding the memory passage and
Bible stories that correlate or bolster the concepts that are being
memorized. Learning the 10 Commandments has been an excellent way to deal
with everyday character training issues that arise and I would highly
recommend to any family to begin scripture memorization with this
passage.

Our website is: www.ResponsibleHands.com

The money we get from ResponsibleHands.com goes toward our adoptions. We
use this business as a way to help us adopt more children. At this time,
we believe the Lord has a special plan for our family in international
adoption in particular and more specifically we feel strongly led to
continue adopting from Russia. We are praying hard and hoping to adopt
two more children within the next two years.

If you are interested in reading more about our children’s adoption and
more details about our experience, then feel free to visit our family
website: www.widholm.net

** VQK ** DO YOU HAVE ANY WEB SITES OR OTHER RESOURCES THAT YOU WOULD
LIKE TO RECOMMEND?
** GW **
My favorite resources for parenting and homeschooling encouragement:

The Maxwell Ministry: www.Titus2.org
The Jonathan Lindvall Ministry: www.BoldChristianLiving.com
Charity Gospel Tape Mininstry:
www.charityministries.org/tapeministry/tapesets-hf.htm
Family Ministries (Reb Bradley): www.familyministries.com
The SM Davis Ministry: www.drsmdavis.com/
Teaching the Trivium: www.triviumpursuit.com

~~
An excerpt from the Helping Hands Tips and Suggestions booklet:
"Let’s face it, most folks hear the words "chores" and it scares them.
Parents think of "enforcing" and they begin to envision themselves as a
cop in uniform! One hundred pounds of parental guilt lands on their
shoulders and the nagging question, "How do I get little Sarah to do
this?" becomes a self-inflicted form of psychological torture! In a fit
of defeatism and sheer practicality we finally throw our hands up and
say: "Skip it! I’ll just do it and save myself the hassle!" Hmmm.. I’ve
been there, too! But I challenge you to start thinking of "chores" as a
great opportunity for building relationships with your children! It
doesn’t have to be a "crack the whip" time. It can become a "let’s do it
together time." You are training skills and they are spending quality
time with you, practicing under your tutelage and supervision."
An excerpt from the Responsible Hearts Ideas Booklet:
"By ACT IT OUT we mean that you create hand motions and body movements
that actually represent the scriptural passage. All actions should be
correlated directly with the scriptural passage and not just using rebus,
that is, using word pictures of symbols in a way that helps us remember
the words but NOT the meaning. We have seen some techniques for scripture
memorization that do not correlate with the actual passage. For example,
John 3:16 might be acted out as "For God SO loved..." (pretending to sew
clothing to remember the adverb "so"). Though we understand that might be
a way for them to remember the words, it simply counteracts the real
truth you are trying to help the children learn. Their mental images and
thoughts should be correlated directly with scripture and its context.
Our goal is not just committing words to memory, but committing God’s
truth and His meaning to memory for the purpose of meditating on it at
any given moment. I certainly don’t want images of sewing clothing to pop
into my children’s minds when they recall such an important truth as why
God sent His only begotten Son to die for us. PLEASE BE BIBLICAL!"

(For those of us who have a hard time thinking up hand motions on our
own, Gina gives instructions for acting out The 10 Commandments and the
Shema -- Deut. 6:4-9 -- in the booklet.)
~~
A few more notes from Virginia: Gina sent me review copies of some of her
materials, and I like what I see! The magnetic chore and Scripture charts
are attractive and quite useful! The booklets that come along with them
are a treasure. Gina has a wonderful writing style, and you can tell
she’s writing from the trenches, not the ivory tower. The stuff she
writes about is so practical, and yet so profound at the same time. It
has given our family a very much needed boost in the training of our
preschoolers and young elementary students. In particulary, my son Andrew
has been joyfully learning some new Bible verses, and little brother
Micah is following right along. Lydia has put the chore chart to good
use, and has taken on a few new tasks on her own initiative. Kudos, Gina!
Click here now! www.ResponsibleHands.com