How to Love Your Wife
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Straight to the Cross
COLUMN: Square One
How to Love Your Wife
by Richard Mansel
Men must learn how to be the type husbands God
desires. Ephesians 5:22-29 offers powerful advice
for husbands. God's plan is to create people who
are the best spouses they can be.
Husbands must love their wives unselfishly. In
Ephesians 5:22-29, wives are told to submit to
their husbands while husbands are commanded to
love their wives. And since God's definition of
love always includes unselfishness, husbands are
to treat their wives as Christ does the church,
with great tenderness (Ephesians 5:25-27). God's
love gives and gives, while man's love constantly
takes without regard for the other.
Walter Trobisch wrote,
"Let me try to tell you what it really should mean
when a fellow says to a girl, 'I love you.' It
means: you, you, you. You alone. You shall reign
in my heart. You are the one whom I have longed
for, without you I am incomplete. I will love you
alone, and I will work for you alone. And I will
wait for you ... I will never force you, not even
by words. I want to guard you, protect you and
keep you from all evil. I want to share with you
all my thoughts, my heart and my body -- all that
I possess. I want to listen to what you have to
say. There is nothing I want to undertake without
your blessing. I want to remain always at your
side."/1
Love is far more than sex and protection. It is
cherishing and nourishing as Christ does the
church (Ephesians 5:28,29). It is placing the
needs of the wife above his own in importance. God
gave her to him as a beautiful gift and he should
treat her with requisite respect.
Phillips said, "Any woman would find it easier to
defer to a husband she knew would die for her than
to a husband she felt might sacrifice her to his
fears, lust or ambition."/2 Jesus lived a life of
sacrificial love and knew what it meant to die for
the objects of our love (John 15:13). For
husbands, it does not necessarily mean that we
give up our physical lives, but that we die to
self so our marriages can be blessed.
In counseling a wife said, "Dear, I know that you
are willing to die for me; you have told me that
many times. But while you are waiting to die,
could you just fill in some of the time helping
dry the dishes?"/3
"A husband should never use his headship to crush
or stifle his wife, or to frustrate her from being
herself. His love for her will lead him to an
exactly opposite path. He will give himself up for
her, in order that she may develop her full
potential under God and become more completely
herself."/4
Love must not be restrained but allowed to flow
freely and unencumbered. Wives want their men to
express their love in tenderness and with a
listening ear.
Men and women generally differ greatly in
communication skills. However, if he will be open
and transparent before her, it will allow them the
level of intimacy they both desire. If she will
handle his openness properly, he will be
comfortable doing so again. Wives have a great
responsibility in creating a safe environment for
him to share his fears and feelings.
Finally, husbands, as David Sain wisely advises,
"the best time to tell your wife you love her is
before some other man does."
__________
1/ James Montgomery Boice, Ephesians (Grand
Rapids: Baker Book House, 1997), 200.
2/ John Phillips, Exploring Ephesians and
Philippians (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 1993), 163.
3/ Boice, 201.
4/ Ibid.
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