I See the Light
Posted by: amazinggraze <amazinggraze@...>
by Tina Shake
Last Thursday, I got to thinkin' as I was changing a blown out
light bulb in the parlor, "Just how many light bulbs have graced my
lifetime?" It may seem like a trivial thing to consider, but in
this age of conserving energy and especially conserving money, I
certainly did figure that it deserved a little thought.
If your light bulb lives in a perfect world, it would last at the
most about 900 hours, and far be it for me to say whether a light
bulb is living in a perfect world because I have vowed not to judge
another less I be judged. So I will say that every light bulb that
has burnt in my lifetime has been absolutely perfect.
I am 42 years young (except on my birthday, when I am 29) and I
figure that is equal to 368,172 hours (on my last 29th birthday) If
each light bulb had a life span of 900 hours, I could reasonably
say that if one light bulb burned continuously in my home, I would
have gone through about 409 of them. Yes, please do not interrupt
me as I calculate, I realize that many of you have more than one
light source in your home, thank you very much. Just do not rub
salt in my wound. Raglesville has a one-light policy, our town
motto is "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine." We
have very long, long, cords on our lamps to move from one room to
another, except for the renegades of the town that sneak in a
couple of those "clap lights." One resident of our town surmised
that this is the reason for our county's electric co-op's unusually
high rate structure: we are just too good at saving energy.
On the off chance that one of your light bulbs is having a
difficult time of living a "perfect" life, I might have some
information for you that could shed some "light" on the problem.
Some light bulbs have their little lives shortened by being housed
in a too-small enclosed fixture, such as a globe. The heat cannot
escape and it builds up, which shortens the little darling's life.
For goodness sake, put a lower wattage bulb in that globe. If you
have recessed lighting, you might have the attic insulation
inspected above the lighting. The recessed lighting needs
ventilation and if by chance the insulation is covering the area
over the lighting, then you can look forward to an early demise.
Friends don't let friends shorten a defenseless bulb's life.
Some premature light bulb deaths have been caused by excessive
vibration. If your light bulb lives by the door that your dear
hubby or wifey enters into after a hard day's work, you know
exactly what I mean. "Honey, I'm home! What a lousy day!" SLAM! How
would you like it if you had your innards shaken like a county fair
lemonade every day?
Maybe your light bulb has been living a dirty life. Dust can cut
the output of a light by up to 50 percent and can make the bulb
overheat as well. All right, I will confess; I probably went
through 818 light bulbs because of the dust. No one told me you
would have to clean those things, and incidentally, confirm the
lamp is unplugged before you clean the bulb, never spray wet
substances on a hot bulb and do not, I repeat: do not take a chisel
to the bulb to scrape off the leftovers from your Friday night
pizza party.
I am sad to report an occurrence that has laid a heavy burden on my
heart. Do you discriminate when it comes to light bulbs? Do you
only pick the higher-wattage bulbs because they are brighter and
more cheerful? Do you snub the standard life bulbs and cozy up to
the long-life incandescent bulbs? I was once a bulb discriminator
too, I thought that being seen with an average lower wattage,
standard bulb was embarrassing but I now "see the light." Wattage
has nothing to do with how much light a bulb emits! Wattage tells
you what amount of electricity it needs to function, so picking a
lower-wattage bulb will not lower your social standing, only your
energy bills and for heaven's sake the long-life bulbs have an
extra heavy filament, which uses more electricity to operate. The
long-life bulb is sucking more energy so you are not gaining a
penny in the long run.
Some people have the misfortune of having their one allotted light
bulb living on a tall ceiling. I have heard through the grapevine
that the volunteer fire department is no longer making house calls
on light bulb changing day, so I would suggest changing that bulb
to fluorescent because it will last up to 10 times longer than the
standard bulbs. Firemen have better things to do, at least that is
what they told me last time.
__________
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