Quote from Forum Archives on May 21, 2002, 7:34 pm

Posted by: balderman <balderman@...>

"LESSONS FROM THE LIFE OF ABRAHAM-RESOLVING A CONFLICT"

GENESIS 13:5-11

INTRO: Conflicts are a part of life. Conflicts are almost as old as the human

race: Cain and Abel, Esau and Jacob, Isaac and Ishmael, and

Abraham and Lot, whom we will looking at today. Wherever there are

people there will be conflicts that arise: whether in the HOME, the

CHURCH, in the NATION, in SOCIAL CIRCLES, even among children

and young people. Little children argue and fight over toys. Older

young people become mortal enemies over their love affairs. Hot heads

and cold hearts never solved anything. -- Billy Graham. From the files

of Leadership. Anger, arrogance, and allotment of blame will not solve

the problem and resolve the conflict. There are Biblical ways to

resolve conflicts.

Let us follow in the steps of Abraham and see how we can save our

relationships one with another as we think on the subject, "Resolving

A Conflict." Notice four things with me:

(1) A TIME FOR OPENNESS

GENESIS 13:8—"And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I

pray thee, between me and thee, between my herdsmen and

thy herdsmen; for we be brethren."

A. THE REASON FOR THE CONFLICT (VV. 5-6). Both Abraham and Lot

had much wealth. Verse 2 tells us, "Abram was very rich in cattle, in

silver, and in gold." Verse 5 says, "And Lot also, which went with

Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents." Because of a lack of space for

pasture, the problem of who would water their herd when, and the fear

of rustling this became a very touchy situation. The situation was so

contentious that according to v7, "and there was a strife between the

herdmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle…" Notice that

this conflict at this time was only between the herdsmen of Abraham

and Lot, but a contentious situation can always become more

contentious if not dealt with quickly. Now was the time for openness.

Now was the time to address the issue. The two men had not yet been

drawn into the conflict; their relationship had not yet been affected. But

Abraham was wise enough to know that petty arguments and conflicts

eventually affect everyone unless they are squelched in the beginning.

ILLUS: In The Essential Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson, the

cartoon character Calvin says to his tiger friend, Hobbes, "I feel

bad that I called Susie names and hurt her feelings. I'm sorry I

did it." "Maybe you should apologize to her," Hobbes suggests.

Calvin ponders this for a moment and replies, "I keep hoping

there's a less obvious solution." -- Norm Langston in Fresh

Illustrations for Preaching & Teaching (Baker), from the editors

of Leadership.

So many times when we have a conflict staring us in the face, we keep

looking for a less obvious solution. We need to be open and honest and

just address the issue before us. Abraham had other options:

• He could have kept quite about it.
• He could have told others about it.
• He could have taken a "get-even" attitude.
• He could have held his bad feelings for the rest of his life.

Every pastor could probably tell a story of folks in their ministry

who, instead of being open and addressing the conflict facing them,

hid the conflict or else held it in.

ILLUS: A pastor told this story: "In my first pastorate there was a lady

who would not come to church. Her husband attended

faithfully. Her children, who were grown, and had families of

their own, all attended. I visited her a number of times; trying

to persuade her to come, but all to no avail. Before I left, after

one particular visit, she finally told me what the problem was:

she had, something like fifteen years back, sold one of the

members of the members of the church, a set of tires on credit,

and he had never paid for them. She stayed out of church all

those years. Rather than confront him she just held it in and

wasted her life as far as church was concerned."

It might surprise us to know what is buried in people’s hearts…maybe

some of our own!

B. THE RISK IN THE CONFLICT (V7b). The last part of v7 says, "and the

Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land." The Holy Spirit

inserts a sentence in the text regarding the strife between the herds-

men of Lot and Abraham that has a very ominous tone to it. With the

Canaanite and Perizzite in the land, the striving between the herdsmen

of Lot and Abraham became a great risk to both the welfare of the

flocks and to the witness of the faith. The striving could diminish the

flocks and destroy the witness (1). Notice:

1. The welfare of the flocks. The contention and strife between the

herdsmen would give the Canaanites and Perizzites opportunity to

come in and steal the flocks. The job of the herdsmen was to take

care of the flocks not to fight with each other. Many times in the

church the fightings and wars within open the door for the devil

to destroy the church.

2. The witness of the faith. Abraham had given a good witness

about his faith when he built those altars in the land to worship

God. The Canaanites and Perizzites were watching. They were

watching Abraham very closely to see how much his faith meant

to him. They, as the world does today, judged his faith and his God,

by his behavior. If Abraham and Lot, who were brethren, could not

get along it would create much dishonor and disrespect for the faith

they embraced and the God they exalted. The problem of inner

fighting among believers shows this world a poor testimony of our

faith and of the God we worship. Joseph Parker said, "They [the

world] know not our God; but if we fight and bicker, and if we assail

and devour one another, they must think evil of our religion, and

they may secretly despise our God. Let us not shame our call and

our destiny before the worshipers of idols…Let us give none

occasion to the enemy to blaspheme." (2)

It was a TIME FOR OPENNESS. The conflict had to be faced before the conflict grew greater and caused the welfare of the flocks and the witness of the faith to be in jeopardy.

(2) A TIME TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE SPECIFICALLY

GENESIS 13:8—"And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I

pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen

and between thy herdmen; for we be brethren."

A. THE COUNSEL IN THE CONFLICT. The moment that Abraham heard

that there was strife between his herdsmen and Lot’s Abraham moved

quickly to resolve the issue. In other words, he didn’t beat around the

bush, he came right out and said, "There’s something between us" and

then he named the problem. Notice Abraham addressed the issue

specifically, "Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee,

and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren." If

there is something wrong we need to get it out in the open and address

it specifically because it will never be settled unless we do.

ILLUS: A pastor shared this burden. A member, with whom he and

his wife were very very close, for some reason turned against

them, left the church, and treated them as mortal enemies.

That pastor and his wife are heartbroken and would do any-

thing in their power to have that friendship and fellowship

restored, but they can’t do it because the member is unwilling

to talk and tell them what she is hurt about.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:9—"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they

shall be called the children of God." Abraham was a peacemaker. He

did not delight in strife. He wanted to stop this strife that existed

because "We be brethren." Brethren are to love each other. They are

not to be on the outs with each other, or the land will not have peace

(3). The Family was the first institution of God. The disruption and

disintegration of the American family today has much to do with the

disintegration of American society. When the families in the church

get along with each other at home they will help the church and that

church will prosper. But when the families in the church are always

fighting and bickering at home they will be troublemakers at church.

This problem had to be addressed and it had to be addressed

specifically. But notice also…

B. THE CONSIDERATION IN THE CONFLICT. In verse 9, Abraham asked, "Is not the whole land before thee? Separate thyself, I pray thee,

from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if

thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left." Abraham did not

demand his rights, nor insist that he should have the first choice. He

was the elder. He had a right to do so. But he did not. Is there any

wonder this strife was resolved so quickly? To always demand your

rights does not lend itself to resolution but to aggravation of problems.(3) A TIME TO APPEAL FOR UNITY

GENESIS 13:8b—"..for we be brethren."

A. THE REASON FOR THE APPEAL. Abraham said, "Let there be no

strife, I pray thee…for we be brethren." What a gracious man Abraham

was. He was anxious to make peace. Psalm 133:1 says, "Behold, how

good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity."

There was a far greater cause than Abraham’s personal pleasure.

Abraham was concerned about his personal testimony. How him and

Lot reacted to this conflict would speak volumes to this world about the

preciousness of God in their lives! We should always strive for unity.

William Barclay said, "Christians are people who are drawn together

because they owe a common debt to the goodness and the grace of God

(4). But as Hugh Latimer reminds us, "Unity must be according to

God’s Holy Word, or else it were better war than peace," and as Charles

Spurgeon said, "I am quite sure the best way to promote union is to

promote truth. It will not do for us to be all united together by yielding

to one another’s mistakes" (5). As Amos 3:3 asks, "Can two walk

together, except they be agreed?" They obvious answer is NO! Laying

aside doctrinal beliefs, and denominational ties for the sake of unity

today leads only to confusion, contention and compromise. But

Abraham and Lot were family and they both worshiped the true God

in a heathen land, so unity was a necessity.

B. THE RELINQUISHING IN THE APPEAL. Abraham was willing to give

up his rights for the sake of unity. Abraham exercised great wisdom. He knew this fact: if he chose the best land for himself and forced Lot to go elsewhere, Lot would most likely react with bitterness against Abram forever. But if he gave Lot first choice, Lot could have no reason for sharp feelings. In fact, there was a chance that Lot might be touched by such unselfishness and become more attached to Abram and perhaps to God. (Preacher’s Outline and Sermon Bible, Old Testament , Genesis 2

Commentary) Settling this conflict was so imperative for Abraham that

He was willing to go to any length to achieve it. Abram’s sacrifice is a picture of the sacrifice of Christ:

1) Both had the right to the promised land, yet both sacrificed their rights to accomplish their purposes. Christ had the right to remain in the perfect land of heaven, yet He gave up His right and came to earth to die for man. Abram had the right to live in the most perfect area of the promised land.

2) Both sought peace above all else:

"But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ. For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us" (Ephes. 2:13-14).

3) Both humbled themselves and acted unselfishly, giving and sacrificing to the ultimate degree.

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross" (Phil. 2:5-8).

4) Both trusted God to take care of their needs, to provide for them no matter what happened.

"And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou [wilt]" (Matthew 26:39).

"Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels" (Matthew 26:53).

In this conflict there was A TIME FOR OPENNESS, A TIME TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE SPECIFICALLY, A TIME TO APPEAL FOR UNITY, and finally…

(4) A FRIENDSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP WAS PRESERVED

GENESIS 13:11—"Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and

Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one

from the other."

A. THE SEPARATION THAT WAS NECESSARY. The last part of verse 11

tells us, "..and they separated themselves the one from the other." God

wanted to separate Lot and Abraham, Genesis 12:1 says, "Now the

LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy

kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land I will shew thee," but

from a human standpoint, it was a painful separation (6). The solution

to the trouble was separation—separation of some of the family from

the rest of the family. It was a painful remedy, but true peace

frequently requires taking the most pleasant action (7).

B. THE SAVING OF THE RELATIONSHIP. They parted peaceably, but

remained friends. No doubt the saving of their relationship was in no

small due to the way that Abraham handled this conflict. In fact,

Abraham went to the rescue of Lot when he had fallen into the hands of

his enemies (Genesis 14:12-16). Abraham could have said, "That is

good enough for him. He made the wrong choice back yonder. I let

him choose." When Abraham gave Lot the first choice, it was a very

unselfish act on the part of Abraham. What grace it was for Abraham

to immediately respond to the report and go to the rescue of Lot. He

acted in grace. Grace is never selfish. Grace always has the welfare of

others more prominent in its mind than any personal grievances. It is

the same kind of grace that provided for the salvation of sinful man.

Man had disobeyed God, disrespected God, ran from God, and been

ungrateful to God just like Lot had been to Abraham. But God still

seeks the salvation of man because of grace (8).

CLOSING: When a conflict arises, it is A TIME FOR OPENNESS, A TIME TO

ADDRESS THE ISSUE SPECIFICALLY, and A TIME TO APPEAL

FOR UNITY, if we will do these things, we will A FRIENDSHIP AND

FELLOWSHIP PRESERVED. Friend, what do you do when you

face conflicts in your life? Will you practice this Biblical way of

resolving conflict?

NOTES: 1. John G. Butler. Abraham: The Father of the Jews. p. 58.

1. Butler. p. 58.
2. Butler. p. 60.
3. Albert M. Wells, Jr. Inspiring Quotations-Contemporary &

Classical. p. 214.

4. Wells. p. 214.
5. Warren W. Wiersbe. Wiersbe’s Expository Outlines on the Old

Testament. p. 43.

6. Butler. p. 76.
7. Butler. pp. 77-78.