Lessons From Working With My Kids
Quote from Shelley on May 1, 2022, 3:22 pmWorking with my kids recently, I have found that they challenge my authority over them all the time. They may be getting older, but I still am their authority and they still have a LOT to learn! But I have found that I am learning some lessons from them in this situation...
- Not listening
I have found that I have to repeat myself multiple times to my children recently. Then I end up threatening them, and then they say "What?" They know they had better listen or they will be in trouble. But I am very tired of repeating myself. When I speak they should listen - no matter what else is going on a computer game, a TV show, legos, whatever. I expect that since I am the authority, when I speak, they should listen.
But how often do I do the same thing to God? I get busy with this that and the other thing, that God needs to do something to grab my attention because I am not available to listen when He speaks. Do I want to be this way? NO. I need to first spend time with Him when I am wholly focused on Him. Then when I am off doing all the things a busy mom needs to do, I still need to keep at the top of my mind to listen to God when He might say something to me throughout the day. And if I think I am hearing Him speak, don't ignore Him! Stop and listen. He might say to stop and pray for someone. He might put someone on my mind to call and encourage. He may simply tell me to be quiet when I want to mouth off to someone. But I need to listen to even know what those things are.
Do I want God to have to threaten me, or do something drastic for me to pay attention, or do I want to just listen and not miss out on anything He is saying? I know that truly I do want to do exactly what He wants, and I often need direction and encouragement to do those things.
- Listening but not obeying
Sometimes my children don't argue with me when I tell them to do something. They have heard me loud and clear. They may start the task, or they may simply ignore me. They simply don't want to do it, or they think they know a better way than the way I have told them to do it. This I term quiet rebellion. I end up spending all day reminding them, and again threatening them with time limits and extra chores if they don't do what I have asked. Even though I very often follow through with those extra chores, I wonder why they think that the next time will be different.
Of course, I seem to be just as hardheaded. I know that I need to spend daily quiet time with the Lord. I know that sometimes I "get by" but more often my day falls apart when I don't. I am short tempered, feel out of control, etc. I just don't seem to get it. I could have spent 15 minutes having a nice quiet time with God, but instead I go off on my own, I think I know better since I have SO much to do (even good things) but the truth is that I KNOW I need that time and have often chosen to ignore it. There other things that God tells me to do that I have ignored because I either don't want to or think I know better. To call someone who might need a friend. To speak kindly in a situation where I am mad and would rather hold a grudge. So when I think of how hardheaded my kids are being at times, I need to remind myself of how hardheaded I am!
- Listening but arguing back
Here's what drives me nuts. When I tell someone to do something, they sometimes will argue back, or refuse to obey until they fully understand why I have asked them to do something. I hope that they don't take this method of response if they are standing in the middle of a road with a car coming at them! When I tell them something I want them to obey, and obey immediately. Sometimes (actually often) I will explain to them why they are to do or not do something. But they need to obey first, regardless of if they understand or not. Some things they are too young and inexperienced to understand. Some things they do understand. But I always have their best interest at heart.
Yep, you guessed it. I do the same thing to God. "Why, God? I want to do something, why won't you let me?" Or even "that doesn't make sense, so I'm not doing that." Or simply having a bad attitude because I don't understand something I am going through. I know my kids don't understand doing chores. They think it is only benefitting me. I probably could do their work in half the time it takes me to make sure they do it, but what would they learn? What type of people would they grow up to be? How would they learn any self-discipline or be able to hold a job if they weren't trained to do smaller things?
- It's not fair!
"But my brother/sister doesn't have to do it!" "Why can't I have any when he does?" or "Why do I have to do this 'cause she doesn't!" How sick I get of hearing this. They are different children and have different needs and abilities and even purposes. Life is not about what the other one did or didn't do.
As sick as I get of hearing that one, how often I say it about my spiritual brothers and sisters! "I wish I could do what they are doing. Why can't we have that big house?" The list for this one goes on ad nauseum.
All this boils down to the fact that God is God and is in authority over me, and as that authority loves me SO deeply and knows what is best for me and for His purposes. I am not God. He always knows best. And as a parent loves a child, even when they do all of these things, I know that God loves me and cares for me when I am doing the right thing or not. But how pleased it makes him when I obey and learn and grow!
Working with my kids recently, I have found that they challenge my authority over them all the time. They may be getting older, but I still am their authority and they still have a LOT to learn! But I have found that I am learning some lessons from them in this situation...
- Not listening
I have found that I have to repeat myself multiple times to my children recently. Then I end up threatening them, and then they say "What?" They know they had better listen or they will be in trouble. But I am very tired of repeating myself. When I speak they should listen - no matter what else is going on a computer game, a TV show, legos, whatever. I expect that since I am the authority, when I speak, they should listen.
But how often do I do the same thing to God? I get busy with this that and the other thing, that God needs to do something to grab my attention because I am not available to listen when He speaks. Do I want to be this way? NO. I need to first spend time with Him when I am wholly focused on Him. Then when I am off doing all the things a busy mom needs to do, I still need to keep at the top of my mind to listen to God when He might say something to me throughout the day. And if I think I am hearing Him speak, don't ignore Him! Stop and listen. He might say to stop and pray for someone. He might put someone on my mind to call and encourage. He may simply tell me to be quiet when I want to mouth off to someone. But I need to listen to even know what those things are.
Do I want God to have to threaten me, or do something drastic for me to pay attention, or do I want to just listen and not miss out on anything He is saying? I know that truly I do want to do exactly what He wants, and I often need direction and encouragement to do those things.
- Listening but not obeying
Sometimes my children don't argue with me when I tell them to do something. They have heard me loud and clear. They may start the task, or they may simply ignore me. They simply don't want to do it, or they think they know a better way than the way I have told them to do it. This I term quiet rebellion. I end up spending all day reminding them, and again threatening them with time limits and extra chores if they don't do what I have asked. Even though I very often follow through with those extra chores, I wonder why they think that the next time will be different.
Of course, I seem to be just as hardheaded. I know that I need to spend daily quiet time with the Lord. I know that sometimes I "get by" but more often my day falls apart when I don't. I am short tempered, feel out of control, etc. I just don't seem to get it. I could have spent 15 minutes having a nice quiet time with God, but instead I go off on my own, I think I know better since I have SO much to do (even good things) but the truth is that I KNOW I need that time and have often chosen to ignore it. There other things that God tells me to do that I have ignored because I either don't want to or think I know better. To call someone who might need a friend. To speak kindly in a situation where I am mad and would rather hold a grudge. So when I think of how hardheaded my kids are being at times, I need to remind myself of how hardheaded I am!
- Listening but arguing back
Here's what drives me nuts. When I tell someone to do something, they sometimes will argue back, or refuse to obey until they fully understand why I have asked them to do something. I hope that they don't take this method of response if they are standing in the middle of a road with a car coming at them! When I tell them something I want them to obey, and obey immediately. Sometimes (actually often) I will explain to them why they are to do or not do something. But they need to obey first, regardless of if they understand or not. Some things they are too young and inexperienced to understand. Some things they do understand. But I always have their best interest at heart.
Yep, you guessed it. I do the same thing to God. "Why, God? I want to do something, why won't you let me?" Or even "that doesn't make sense, so I'm not doing that." Or simply having a bad attitude because I don't understand something I am going through. I know my kids don't understand doing chores. They think it is only benefitting me. I probably could do their work in half the time it takes me to make sure they do it, but what would they learn? What type of people would they grow up to be? How would they learn any self-discipline or be able to hold a job if they weren't trained to do smaller things?
- It's not fair!
"But my brother/sister doesn't have to do it!" "Why can't I have any when he does?" or "Why do I have to do this 'cause she doesn't!" How sick I get of hearing this. They are different children and have different needs and abilities and even purposes. Life is not about what the other one did or didn't do.
As sick as I get of hearing that one, how often I say it about my spiritual brothers and sisters! "I wish I could do what they are doing. Why can't we have that big house?" The list for this one goes on ad nauseum.
All this boils down to the fact that God is God and is in authority over me, and as that authority loves me SO deeply and knows what is best for me and for His purposes. I am not God. He always knows best. And as a parent loves a child, even when they do all of these things, I know that God loves me and cares for me when I am doing the right thing or not. But how pleased it makes him when I obey and learn and grow!