Maintaining Your Marriage Operating System
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Maintaining Your Marriage Operating System, by David Smith
Today's devotional is designed especially with the recently -- and
not so recently -- married in mind. On Valentine's Day, may you be a
blessing to your mate. And may the blessing continue the other 364
days of the year!
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications
that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL
7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
*******
Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command
C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should
then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such
background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or
Beer 3.2 or Wine 6.1. Please remember that Beer 3.2 and Wine 6.1 are
very bad programs in that, among other things, they will create
SnoringLoudly.WAV files.
Under no circumstances should you install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or
reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially
cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which
runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially
serious viruses into the Operating System.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a
limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might
consider running additional software to enhance his system
performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 combined with such
applications as that old stand-by I'm sure you've used in the
past ...Lingerie 6.9 (which is consistently credited with improved
system performance).
Tech Support
The previous piece may make you smile. And part of the smile is
surely because you realize it echoes at least seven pieces
of solid advice consistent with Scripture.
Keep the spark of romance in your marriage:
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more
pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume
than any spice! (Song of Solomon 4:10 NIV)
Drinking has ruined many a marriage and many a life:
Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who
has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over
wine, ...Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the
cup, when it goes down smoothly! ...In the end it bites like a snake
and poisons like a viper. (Proverbs 23:29-32 NIV)
Don't install Mother-in-Law (or Father-in-Law) 1.0:
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 NIV)
Complaining typically renders unsatisfactory results; avoid it:
Do everything without complaining or arguing. (Philippians 2:14 NIV)
Never re-install another Boyfriend program or Girlfriend 9.2:
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure,
for God will judge the adulterer and all the ***ually immoral.
(Hebrews 13:4 NIV)
Don't neglect physically celebrating your love:
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise
the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not
belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other
except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote
yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not
tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5
NIV)
Consider marriage a gift from God. Celebrate the Giver of this gift
and honor him with the way you care for the gift:
Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. Many waters
cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. (Song of Songs 5:1 &
8:7 NIV)
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