Minister's wives
Posted by: pastormike <pastormike@...>
I came across this Baptist Press article and I thought how much our wives support us and the ministry God has called us to. May He always bless our wives with a husband who loves her the way Jesus does.
Keep the SON in your eyes.
Mike Infanzon
Minister's wives: reshape the glass slippers
by Shannon Baker
NEW ORLEANS (BP)--Meeting people's expectations is like fitting into Cinderella's glass slippers, says Susie Hawkins, wife of O.S. Hawkins, the former pastor if First Baptist-Dallas.
"We're always trying to do and to be what other people expect of us. I say, let's reshape that glass slipper," she says.
Hawkins says the expectations are enormous, such as being at every function, always looking good but not too good, always being happy, having well-mannered children, being silent and having no opinion, and being a role model for all the women in the church.
"When we try to fill all these expectations rather than being who God meant for us to be," Hawkins observes, "it’s going to be very difficult to fill the shoes we’re supposed to fill."
Sifting through the desires and expectations that she once placed upon herself in comparison to other pastors' wives, Hawkins says the Holy Spirit told her, "Maybe you shouldn't worry so much about being like them and worry more about being like me."
Noting that the Bible contains no real job description for a “wives' ministry”, Hawkins notes it does contain passages concerning the character of women (Proverbs 31; 1 Timothy 3:11). Hawkins emphasizes the wife's role as helper to her husband.
"You have such a ministry in the role as wife," she says. "God was wise to create man with a 'helper' (Genesis 2:20)," she says, explaining that the role was not demeaning, for King David had called the Lord his "Helper" throughout the Psalms.
Defining "helper" as someone who does for someone what he cannot do for himself, Hawkins affirms, "Don't ever think that you're just a wife or an appendage. You are set apart."
Particularly in a woman's resourcefulness, she encourages, "You have a very important role."
Gingerly comparing the role of the minister's wife to that of a politician's wife, Hawkins reminded there are no hard and fast rules to follow. Yet, they may greatly enhance or distract from their husbands' roles, she says.
With such visibility, wives are the targets of numerous expectations, she says, sharing three principles that help wives reshape those expectations:
1. Find your spiritual gift and use it, she says, quoting 1 Timothy 4:14, "Do not neglect your gift that God has given you." Everyone has at least one spiritual gift, Hawkins says, asking, "What do you feel good doing? What are you good at?" What you are usually attracted to is your spiritual gift, she says, because it is comfortable and enjoyable, although there are times when God will stretch a person's abilities. She also explains that ministry is often born out of life experiences, such as recovery from cancer. "God is melding your gifts and life experiences together for his purposes," she says. Leave the other activities for others who have the applicable spiritual gifts, she adds.
2. Consider your seasons and opportunities, Hawkins continues. Instead of being overwhelmed by too many responsibilities, she suggested wives apply the 10-year rule: "Will what I am doing make a difference in 10 years?" Highlighting the childbearing years of women, she reminds, "No one can wear the shoes of wife and mother like you can." However, she says that does not mean that wives tend to their families at the exclusion of anything else. "Your children need to see you serving God, often at the point of sacrifice," she says. "As in everything else, there is a balance." She shared Oswald Chambers' devotional words: "If you have received a ministry from the Lord Jesus, you will know that the need is not the same as the call--the need is the opportunity to exercise the call. The call is to be faithful to the ministry you received when you were in true fellowship with Him." Outside of relationship with God, the wife's ministry to her husband is her priority, Hawkins says. That season will never change, she adds.
3. Share your lives with your church members, Hawkins then counsels, dispelling the myth that ministers' wives cannot have close friends. She pointed to Jesus who lived his life in close connection with the 12 disciples, with special attention to his three closest friends. "Nowhere in the Scripture are we told to deny ourselves friendship," she says. While she cautioned the wives to not violate the privacy of her husband because it might compromise the message he brings before the congregation, she says that there is nothing as effective as sharing one's life and what God is doing. "Don't think that you have to be the queen that has no needs," Hawkins says. Instead, be willing to develop honest relationships. At the same time, do not hang out with just one person, she cautions. Be approachable and spread good cheer throughout the church, she adds, because it is important to make people feel loved. "People will put up with a lot of imperfections if we show them they are loved," she says.
She also pointed out that because the minister's presence is desired at intimate family events (weddings, baby dedications and funerals), ministers' wives are considered part of the family circle. "People will never forget you," she says.
Ministers' wives can walk a long way in shoes that are shaped by God's expectations, balanced by each person's unique giftedness, the seasons and opportunities in her life, and her willingness to open her life to others, Hawkins says.
-Pastors.com