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Mother's Advice Friday
2,360 Posts
#1 · May 10, 2007, 7:33 pm
Quote from Forum Archives on May 10, 2007, 7:33 pmPosted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Special Prayer Request For Jayce"Jayce was born on May 11, 2006 at 27 weeks. On June 9th he started showing symptoms of NEC. June 11th, Jayce had surgery. They took out 3/4 of the small intestine.
On Aug 23rd, Jayce came home. He required home-health nurses 7days a week.
On Oct 19th Jayce was admitted because of an infection. He had surgery on Oct 27th to reconnect his intestines, but on Nov 6th they found that it didn't work, and he was leaking into his tummy. So, they had to go back in & take his intestines back apart.
January 9th he was moved to Childrens Hospital & remains there to this day.
To date Jayce has had 15 surgeries & still possibly more to come. So far there is no word as to when he will be able to come out of the hospital.
Jayce is back in ICU as of May 3rd.
Jayce has since had more surgery and is so far still in ICU.
Please keep Jayce in prayer and also the rest of the family as this has been a very hard time for them.
Thank You for taking time to read this and for your prayers for Jayce.Update As Of May 10th:Jayce is improving and has been put back on the active list for a liver transplant. Jayce will be one year old tomorrow.
We Wish All The Mothers, Grandmothers, And Stepmothers A VeryHappy Mother's Day.
Dave and Barbara"Mother's Advice"Make sure to change your underwear always; you never know when you'll have an accident.
Don't make that face or it'll solidify in that position.
Be careful or else you'll put your eye out.
What if everyone jumped into a well? Would you do it, too?
You have enough filth behind those ears to grow potatoes!
C'mon close that door! Were you born in a barn?
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Don't put that thing in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!
"My Mother Taught Me"To Value A Job Well Done
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."Time Travel
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"Logic
"Because I said so, that's why."Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."Irony
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."Osmosis
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."Stamina
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."Weather
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."Hypocrisy
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"Circle Of Life
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."Behavior Modification
"Stop acting like your father!"Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."Anticipation
"Just wait until we get home."Receiving
"You are going to get it when you get home!"Medical Science
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."How To Become An Adult
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."Genetics
"You're just like your father."Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
"DON'T MESS WITH MOM"The Childs Comments and ThoughtsMy son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place."Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what yosay,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D.""Mom's Reply and Thoughts"Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I tolhim, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.Your clothingwn't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?"from a MOM
(Mean Old Mother.)
Have a Blessed Mother's Day
Dave and BarbaraNecessary Legal InformationWe do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
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Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute. Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
"Special Prayer Request For Jayce"
Jayce was born on May 11, 2006 at 27 weeks. On June 9th he started showing symptoms of NEC. June 11th, Jayce had surgery. They took out 3/4 of the small intestine.
On Aug 23rd, Jayce came home. He required home-health nurses 7days a week.
On Oct 19th Jayce was admitted because of an infection. He had surgery on Oct 27th to reconnect his intestines, but on Nov 6th they found that it didn't work, and he was leaking into his tummy. So, they had to go back in & take his intestines back apart.
January 9th he was moved to Childrens Hospital & remains there to this day.
To date Jayce has had 15 surgeries & still possibly more to come. So far there is no word as to when he will be able to come out of the hospital.
Jayce is back in ICU as of May 3rd.
Jayce has since had more surgery and is so far still in ICU.
Please keep Jayce in prayer and also the rest of the family as this has been a very hard time for them.
Thank You for taking time to read this and for your prayers for Jayce.
On Aug 23rd, Jayce came home. He required home-health nurses 7days a week.
On Oct 19th Jayce was admitted because of an infection. He had surgery on Oct 27th to reconnect his intestines, but on Nov 6th they found that it didn't work, and he was leaking into his tummy. So, they had to go back in & take his intestines back apart.
January 9th he was moved to Childrens Hospital & remains there to this day.
To date Jayce has had 15 surgeries & still possibly more to come. So far there is no word as to when he will be able to come out of the hospital.
Jayce is back in ICU as of May 3rd.
Jayce has since had more surgery and is so far still in ICU.
Please keep Jayce in prayer and also the rest of the family as this has been a very hard time for them.
Thank You for taking time to read this and for your prayers for Jayce.
Update As Of May 10th:
Jayce is improving and has been put back on the active list for a liver transplant. Jayce will be one year old tomorrow.
We Wish All The Mothers, Grandmothers, And Stepmothers A Very
Happy Mother's Day.
Dave and Barbara
Dave and Barbara
"Mother's Advice"
Make sure to change your underwear always; you never know when you'll have an accident.
Don't make that face or it'll solidify in that position.
Be careful or else you'll put your eye out.
What if everyone jumped into a well? Would you do it, too?
You have enough filth behind those ears to grow potatoes!
C'mon close that door! Were you born in a barn?
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Don't put that thing in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!
Don't make that face or it'll solidify in that position.
Be careful or else you'll put your eye out.
What if everyone jumped into a well? Would you do it, too?
You have enough filth behind those ears to grow potatoes!
C'mon close that door! Were you born in a barn?
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Don't put that thing in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!
"My Mother Taught Me"
To Value A Job Well Done
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
Time Travel
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
Logic
"Because I said so, that's why."
"Because I said so, that's why."
Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
Irony
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
Osmosis
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
Stamina
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
Weather
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
Hypocrisy
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
Circle Of Life
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
Behavior Modification
"Stop acting like your father!"
"Stop acting like your father!"
Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
Anticipation
"Just wait until we get home."
"Just wait until we get home."
Receiving
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
Medical Science
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
How To Become An Adult
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
Genetics
"You're just like your father."
"You're just like your father."
Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
"DON'T MESS WITH MOM"
The Childs Comments and Thoughts
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'
It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what yosay,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
and regardless what yosay,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."
"Mom's Reply and Thoughts"
Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I tolhim, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
at the local Goodwill Store.
I tolhim, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."
He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.
Your clothingwn't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?"
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?"
from a MOM
(Mean Old Mother.)
(Mean Old Mother.)
Have a Blessed Mother's Day
Dave and Barbara
Necessary Legal Information
We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.
Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org
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Clean-Hewmor is only as good as the humor YOU contribute. Please take a few moments to send something funny so we can all get a good laugh! -- To unsubscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org To subscribe, send ANY message to: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org>
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