New worship leader who is an old friend, and ...

#1 · July 5, 2017, 5:24 am

Quote from Forum Archives on July 5, 2017, 5:24 am
Posted by: rik.osborne66 <rik.osborne66@...>

I really need some advice here.

As I mentioned a while back, my longtime pastor retired about a year ago. Along with my worship leader, the pastor's wife. They deserved to retire. They were both 67 years old, and had been leading this church for more than 30 years.

That was a year ago.

I've also previously mentioned that the pastor's wife and I, and four other people had played together for 20 years.

We endured a few months with an interim pastor, until we finally hired a new, permanent pastor. A couple of you here actually know my new pastor, Jeremy Walker.

In the meantime, and continuing to this day, the worship leader has been the husband of one of the synth players with whom I've played for 20+ years.

I have been absolutely miserable playing bass behind this guy.

And tonight, given that neither this guy nor his wife seem to be on Facebook, I talked to their son, who is now 20-something and has been our drummer for the last year or so. And I told him that I don't like how his dad is leading worship.

This isn't about the new pastor. I really like him.

This is about worship, and music. And I love the guy who is leading worship. I just don't think that he should be leading worship.

I don't know what to do, and I don't have the confidence to talk to the guy.

His wife is one of the two synth players who alternated Sundays for the last 20 years, and now she is the main piano player. She plays the piano while he leads the singing. He's a great singer, and she's a great pianist.

And ... it is terrible. I am genuinely afraid that their marriage is not going to survive this. Because they spend the week working out the songs, and then on Sunday morning, things don't work like they practiced at home, and every song turns into an argument about arrangement. And the rest of us who just want to play in the background and support the worship are getting uncomfortable with "how do we play with this".

I don't know what to do. This last Sunday, the guy gave this big speech about how "worship isn't supposed to be a performance", and then everything he demanded afterward was, to me, all about turning what we do into a performance. A manipulative performance. I think he has spent too much time watching "praise & worship" bands on YouTube.

I've been sitting there on a chair for 20 years, with my music stand raised high enough that the congregation can't actually see me, trying to restrain my own ego and purposely simplifying my playing in order to not attract attention to myself, and paying attention to my volume to make sure that I'm not "too loud".

And this new "worship leader" stands there and says that he has heard complaints from the congregation that Larry, the trumpet player, is "too loud", and other complaints that I am "too loud".

And here I am, dealing with my own crap. I finally got married a year ago, and I have been dealing with the fact that I unexpectedly married a hardcore alcoholic (my wife is currently in rehab, and getting better, thank you), and my one and only source of peace, slipping to the back and playing bass every Sunday on the worship team has turned into a stress factory.

My new pastor is younger than me, young enough to be active in social media. That is, Facebook. So I can talk to him there, but I am hesitant. I am so accustomed to talking to people online ... via my computer. But I am old enough now to forget that so many people now do Facebook on their phones. So last week, I sent a very late night message to Jeremy, expecting that he'd see it in the morning and get back to me. But no, he got it on his smartphone and got right back to me, and I was embarrassed that I had woken him up.

To put it short, I am feeling out of place on the same worship team where I've been the bass player for 20 years, and I don't know what to do.

Help.

--

Rik Osborne

<rik.osborne66@gmail.com>

<https://www.facebook.com/mister.rik>

--

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Posted by: rik.osborne66 <rik.osborne66@...>

I really need some advice here.

As I mentioned a while back, my longtime pastor retired about a year ago. Along with my worship leader, the pastor's wife. They deserved to retire. They were both 67 years old, and had been leading this church for more than 30 years.

That was a year ago.

I've also previously mentioned that the pastor's wife and I, and four other people had played together for 20 years.

We endured a few months with an interim pastor, until we finally hired a new, permanent pastor. A couple of you here actually know my new pastor, Jeremy Walker.

In the meantime, and continuing to this day, the worship leader has been the husband of one of the synth players with whom I've played for 20+ years.

I have been absolutely miserable playing bass behind this guy.

And tonight, given that neither this guy nor his wife seem to be on Facebook, I talked to their son, who is now 20-something and has been our drummer for the last year or so. And I told him that I don't like how his dad is leading worship.

This isn't about the new pastor. I really like him.

This is about worship, and music. And I love the guy who is leading worship. I just don't think that he should be leading worship.

I don't know what to do, and I don't have the confidence to talk to the guy.

His wife is one of the two synth players who alternated Sundays for the last 20 years, and now she is the main piano player. She plays the piano while he leads the singing. He's a great singer, and she's a great pianist.

And ... it is terrible. I am genuinely afraid that their marriage is not going to survive this. Because they spend the week working out the songs, and then on Sunday morning, things don't work like they practiced at home, and every song turns into an argument about arrangement. And the rest of us who just want to play in the background and support the worship are getting uncomfortable with "how do we play with this".

I don't know what to do. This last Sunday, the guy gave this big speech about how "worship isn't supposed to be a performance", and then everything he demanded afterward was, to me, all about turning what we do into a performance. A manipulative performance. I think he has spent too much time watching "praise & worship" bands on YouTube.

I've been sitting there on a chair for 20 years, with my music stand raised high enough that the congregation can't actually see me, trying to restrain my own ego and purposely simplifying my playing in order to not attract attention to myself, and paying attention to my volume to make sure that I'm not "too loud".

And this new "worship leader" stands there and says that he has heard complaints from the congregation that Larry, the trumpet player, is "too loud", and other complaints that I am "too loud".

And here I am, dealing with my own crap. I finally got married a year ago, and I have been dealing with the fact that I unexpectedly married a hardcore alcoholic (my wife is currently in rehab, and getting better, thank you), and my one and only source of peace, slipping to the back and playing bass every Sunday on the worship team has turned into a stress factory.

My new pastor is younger than me, young enough to be active in social media. That is, Facebook. So I can talk to him there, but I am hesitant. I am so accustomed to talking to people online ... via my computer. But I am old enough now to forget that so many people now do Facebook on their phones. So last week, I sent a very late night message to Jeremy, expecting that he'd see it in the morning and get back to me. But no, he got it on his smartphone and got right back to me, and I was embarrassed that I had woken him up.

To put it short, I am feeling out of place on the same worship team where I've been the bass player for 20 years, and I don't know what to do.

Help.

Rik Osborne

<rik.osborne66@gmail.com>

<https://www.facebook.com/mister.rik>

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