Quote from Forum Archives on May 14, 2007, 10:08 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Omitted"

 

 

My appointment as pastor coincided with the church's appeal for
aid for victims of a hurricane. 

 

Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in tha parish, the center page
of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted.  So members of the
congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of
the last page:  "Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family...
the worst disaster to hit the area in this century.  The full extent
of the tragedy is not yet known."

 

 

"Golf Humor"

 

 

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.

 

Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He maintains his positive attitude and grabs his 8-iron proceeding down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. He trudges diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton which has obviously been lying near an old golf ball for a number of years.

 

Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."

 

Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"

 

Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Better throw me my 7-iron! Something tells me I won't be getting out of here with an 8-iron."

 

 

"Phone Call"

 

 

A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the phone in the kitchen rings.

 

"Hello," says the man answering it.

 

"Hi," says a high woman's voice. "This is Tiffany the housekeeper. "

 

"Oh," says the man. "Hi Tiffany."

 

"Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late. I figured you'd be back later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom."

 

"What sort of a problem?"

 

"Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of emergency money, you know, the one you keep under the matress, it fell out."

 

"Well, what's the problem, Tiffany?"

 

"Well, I wasn't sure just where to put it back, so I just put it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?"

 

"Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate it."

 

"Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found that diamond ring you've been missing."

 

"That's wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put it?"

 

"In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!"

 

"And how did you lock it?"

 

"First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out and tried the top to make sure it was locked," says the housekeeper, revealing how well she remembered her  instructions.

 

"Good! And where did you put the key?"

 

"In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china."

 

"Fantastic!" says the man, impressed.

 

"Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the Porsche in that adorable little box. I know your wife is going to be so surprised."

 

"Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany. You are really a great housekeeper. "

 

"Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night." You too, Tiffany. Good night."
The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says with a grin, "This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!"

 

 

"First Day at School"

 

 

Mother: How was your first day at school?
Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!

 

I'm not going back to school ever again
Why ever not?
The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!

 

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 

 

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