Quotable Quotes
Posted by: clean-hewmor <clean-hewmor@...>
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a
department store, and he asked for my autograph. --Shirley Temple
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably
be Labor Day weekend. --Doug Lars
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need
it. --Bob Hope
I know there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I
hate people like that! --Tom Lehrer
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought:
What good would that do? --Ronnie Shakes
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and
probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by dancing rabbits
singing about toilet paper. --Rod Serling
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a
child. She must be found and stopped. --Sam Levenson (1911-1980)
Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done. --
Ernie Kovacs
Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they
will certainly not attend yours. --H.L. Mencken
A good novel tells the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth
about its author. --G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States, unless you
count the increasing popularity of the nine millimeter bullet. --Dave Barry
This isn't right. It isn't even wrong. --Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted
by a physicist colleague
Today you can go to a gas station and find the register open and the toilets
locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. --Joey Bishop
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate --Franklin
P. Jones
Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's REALLY BAD for you.
--Tommy Smothers
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people
who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --Norm Crosby
The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I
didn't exist. --Aaron Machado
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to
those places. --Henny Youngman
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
--Darrin Weinberg
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in which you
will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. --Fran Lebowitz
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. --H.L.
Mencken
It ain't so much the things you don't know that get you in trouble. It's the
things you know that just ain't so. --Artimus Ward