Quote from Forum Archives on October 5, 2001, 11:05 am

Posted by: marli <marli@...>

Good morning Marci and others,

Thank you Marci for sharing what you did here. I didn't delete it, in fact I
read it twice! I have seen a little of both sides of the coin since we
experienced several years of secondary infertility after our two sons were
born. I used to cringe, and still do usually, when someone would complain
about being pregnant. That was the hard one for me because I so wanted to be
pregnant again. I also used to dislike hearing people complain about their
babies or their children because I was so desperately wanting more little
ones. When God started bringing babies to us to adopt, I was SSSOOOO
blessed, blessed beyond words and so thankful because I knew what it was to
be without little ones, to feel the empty nest quickly approaching. Now that
we have six kids, I am thankful every day for each of them, even when the
days are really difficult, I try to remind myself that it won't last, that
this is such a special time in my life. I try to never use my children as an
excuse, and my goal is to be like the ladies you descirbe whose homes are
run as well-oiled machines. What I find is that OTHERS will state that
having 6 kids should allow me to have a dirty home or be behind in
everything or whatever. I can make a simple comment about not getting
something done and friends or family listening to me will jump right in with
"Well, with 6 kids, you can't do this or you shouldn't expect to do that."
THAT offends me because it makes my children sound like a burden, like they
are keeping me from some great accomplishment. I am learning day by day to
incorporate my children and make them a vital part of my life. If someone
does say something about the house looking nice (like recent visitors did) I
am quick to state how the children help me or I couldn't get it done. If I
don't manage my time as I should, don't work as I should, don't allow and
require my children to help, then I have failed but the children have not
been the cause of it.

I hope I have never been guilty of what you mention in your letter, of using
my children as an excuse or anything like that in any of our correspondence
together. I pray your letter will stick with me and that I will be more
aware of what I am saying in the future.
Thank you for your message, Lisa in NM