Quote from Forum Archives on October 1, 2001, 1:52 pm

Posted by: cyberkat <cyberkat@...>

I too have experienced this inability to bond in an older adopted child. Pat said that there is no punishment that can change this disorder, and she is right. I might add that there is no incentive that can change this disorder either. She said , it is especially common in children from orphanages. She also said that they can put you through a test that is harder than anything you can imagine. Oh, she is so right. With our 3 adopted newborns we experienced only "normal" problems in raising them. We also adopted an older child who had been abandoned and who lived on the street in another country before being put in an orphanage. His age was unknown. These children are so damaged that no family should consider one of them unless you have studied it and are totally prepared (which is impossible). We thought love would cure anything, and it isn't that simple. It is terribly disruptive to the other children, and we made the added mistake of disrupting the "birth order" and this older child was a bad influence on our 3 younger children. Our social worker did nothing to prepare us for this experience, and we had no idea what we were getting into. We had crazy lying, food hoarding, bowel and bladder acting out and other symptoms from Pat's list.

-----Original Message-----
From: Lockwood <empalo@hyperusa.com>
To: homesteadheaven@weloveGod.org <homesteadheaven@weloveGod.org>
Date: Monday, October 01, 2001 7:38 AM
Subject: [HomeSteadHeaven] re: rejoicing in death and adoption

Greetings in the Precious Name of the Messiah,

Its a true bleesing when we can see the joy in ones dying, for the reward is
theirs.
The loss is ours in missing them, but they are in a place where there is
only bliss.

About the child of your cousins, the abused child. Pray without ceasing
that they make
the right choice for their family.
I will share with you a bit about what such a wounded child can be like. We
have one.
Our youngest has "attatchment disorder" common among children not cared for
in the
first two years of life. This hurt child of ours has completly changed
our family.
Destroyed peace and harmony. There is no punishment that would change his
behavior.
There is no way to reach his heart excpt by a miracle. Which I hold out
for.
I would not have given him back or not taken him had I known, but I would
have
liked to know more about what we were in for. I am not one to hold much
stock in
psycho therapy and such, matter of fact our family does not believe in it.
But there
is a truth about a child who is not loved from the start, having many many
problems.
I think this is a truth that can be seen without having anything to do with
seeing a shrink.

When adopting please check to see if the child has this problem, it is
especially common
in children from orphanges. Then pray and decide what you can handle.
Although our youngest gave his heart to the Lord, the problems still exist,
but in a
different way.
There are 22 symptoms associated with this lack of ability to bond, and they
can put
you through a test that is harder than anything you can imagine.
Since we have been speaking of adoption I will include the list so that one
can be aware
of this problem and then ask the Lord to guide you. I am praying for your
cousins, as I
understand what it can be like to have a child that is so profoundly wounded
by abuse and
lack of love early on.
Lovinly,
Pat

Chronic Attachment disorder Symptoms:
Superficially charming and engaging.
Affectionate with strangers or attempts to leave with strangers.
Refuses, or resists, or is uncomfortable with affection on parental terms.
Hyperactive, over active, or attention deficit.
Destructive to self or others.
Significant learning problems or lags. Often speech problems.
Fire setting, fire play, or fascination with fire.
Hoarding, gorging, eating abnormalities, or hiding food.
Intense control battles.
Icessant chatter or nonsense.
Cruelty to animals.
Poor undeveloped or no conscience.
Fasination with weapons, blood or gore.
Daily lying or lying in the face of the obvious. (Crazy lying)
Parents who feel like giving up or feel hostile toward the child.

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