Redneck letter from mom
Posted by: clean-hewmor <clean-hewmor@...>
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live
where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents
happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took
the house numbers when they left, so that they wouldn't have to change their
address. The place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure
it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain and
haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here, it only rained twice last week. The first time
it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted
me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in
the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last
payment on grandma's grave, up she comes!! John locked his keys in the car
yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelly
out of the car.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so
I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl your sister
is going to name it after me, she is going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but
he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three
days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck, Ralph was driving.
He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in
the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There
isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love
Mom