Santa a woman???
Posted by: tz8cy5 <tz8cy5@...>
sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is
big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a
tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For
starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem
surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood
rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa
is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would
wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under
the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be
getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they
would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the
sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been
extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the
taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still
have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up
there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for
directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be
seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be describe even in
jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlfull of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their
ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a
commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:
- Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous
- Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
- Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening
test. But not St.Nick. Not a chance.