SHOULDER TO SHOULDER #151 ---- 12/4/00
Posted by: lifeunlimited <lifeunlimited@...>
As We fight The Good Fight
SHOULDER TO SHOULDER #150 ---- 11/27/00
TITLE: "Things Just Aren't The Same"
My Dear Friend:
I pray God has blessed and sustained you in and through every
circumstance that has come your way over this past week. Whether in joy
or sorrow, I trust you have rejoiced in the God Who is faithful.
This has been another very busy week as we concluded one aspect of our
ministry and moved my father from one house to ours until his new
apartment is ready.
"THINGS WON'T BE THE SAME:"
"Brother Bob, with you and Jo Ann gone, it just won't be the same here
without you." If I heard it once, I heard it scores of times last Sunday
as we concluded our interim pastorate at a church where I had been
serving.
Every person who said that was correct. It won't be the same ---- for
them or for us. We have formed some extraordinarily strong ties with
many of the folks there. We'll never forget them. When you invest 20
months of love and caring compassion with a hurting congregation, you
come out of it differently than when you began.
Things won't be the same. Yesterday when I stood and preached in another
church, it began a different chapter in our lives, and it won't be the
same.
I've been thinking a lot about that this year. Frankly, the idea
sometimes gets me down.
Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been very special family times for
us. From my boyhood I remember when all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and
other assorted relatives would gather at my paternal grandparents' old
farmhouse for a wonderful weekend of Thanksgiving celebration.
Even though my father was a pastor, we made it a point to join his other
two brothers and three sisters and their broods for an unbelievable
feast. While Christmas was primarily reserved for each one's immediate
family in our respective homes, Thanksgiving was like an annual family
homecoming. The men and boys would walk through the barnyard looking at
all of Grandpa's newest machinery or finest cow, then head off across the
fields hunting quail or rabbits.
The women would noisily scamper about the kitchen, smoke house, back
porch, chicken house and dining room preparing enough food to feed a
threshing crew of hungry farm workers. The girls would occupy themselves
with dolls and finding ways to get the boys to forget about quail hunting
and chase them around the yard.
As the years passed and we moved far away, we missed out on those special
days. The closest we came to attending was one year during my sophomore
year in college when my Grandmother died, and we took the Thanksgiving
turkey mother had prepared for me and some of my church buddies who were
in the air force and too far from home, and we made cold turkey
sandwiches to eat on the road as we traveled some 1400 miles back for the
funeral.
But, that wasn't the same as it had been ---- and it never was quite the
same from then on.
When our four daughters reached college age both my paternal grandparents
had been dead for years, and most of Dad's brothers and sisters had
begun having their own family Thanksgiving events. So, we seldom made
those trips back home.
Things just weren't the same anymore.
Then Mother and Dad became the hosts for the annual gathering. On
occasion one of our daughters would bring a classmate or a boyfriend to
our place. The memories were being created again. When our
grandchildren began arriving, the joy was only intensified. What a
blessing to have four generations gathered around the table again.
We were in a new place with a new family creating new (or renewed)
traditions. It was wonderful. Things weren't the same ---- but were
wonderfully different.
However, back in the late 1980's our third daughter became a missionary
to Japan, and for two years we neither saw her nor enjoyed her presence
around any of our family celebrations. Things weren't the same those
years.
Then one of our children divorced her husband and cut off contact with us
for nearly five and one half years. We seldom see our grandchildren or
their father, and have seen our daughter only once during that time.
Again, she wasn't part of our gathering for Thanksgiving this year. It
wasn't the same again without her and our three granddaughters.
July 27th of this year my Mother went home to be with the Lord twelve
days after she was diagnosed with Leukemia. This will be the first year
I can ever remember in 62 when she will not be with us for any holiday
celebration or birthday.
It wasn't the same without her. It was an especially difficult time for
Dad. It won't be the same for Christmas either.
This past August our oldest daughter, her husband, and our grandson went
to the mission field in Costa Rica. They celebrated their own
Thanksgiving with other missionaries and language students. While this
is not their first Thanksgiving to miss (they also missed one each when
they were in Cambodia and then in Colombia), it's the first time they
have been gone with so many others.
It just wasn't the same.
This year Dad spent Thanksgiving back at the old home place with all the
nieces and nephews of my generation, plus all their children and
grandchildren. We were so glad he could go; his health may never allow
him to go again. It was good for him to "go back home" since Mother was
gone.
Jo Ann and I spent the week packing his belongings and getting ready for
his move this past Thursday. So, it just wasn't the same. Thanksgiving
dinner in a local restaurant before heading back to Dads for another load
of his belongs just didn't have the nostalgia to it that those many years
of memories past had.
Our youngest daughter and her family were close by, but they spent their
time with our son-in-law's parents before coming to Dads to pick up a
bunch of furniture they had inherited. We regretted we couldn't accept
their invitation to join them; they are wonderful people.
All in all, it just wasn't the same.
We got Dad moved out . . . . but not yet in. My heart has gone out to
him; he seems like a man without a country. Mother is gone, some of his
grandchildren and great grandchildren are separated by great distance,
his own health is failing, and he's spending a week or more in limbo.
It's not the same for him ---- not like it used to be.
He feels frustrated that he has no energy or endurance in order to "do
his part", and feels like he's imposing on Jo Ann and me. Even though
he's been a pastor for some 64 years, he can't convince himself that it's
our privilege and joy to serve him.
WHY THINGS ARE NEVER THE SAME:
All of this leads me to a question that intrigues me ---- "Why is it so
important for things to be the same for us?" Perhaps more importantly,
"Why are things never the same?"
Have you ever noticed how your second meal of some special food never
tastes quite as good as the first? Or the second time you read a book is
not the same as your first reading?
Why is it that things are never the same?
1. Because they aren't the same. That's a fact of life. I remember
when our youngest daughter finished college and returned to the town
where she had lived during much of her elementary school years and all of
her junior high and high school years.
She had worked each Summer of college in the corporate offices of a
national convenience store company. The management assured her that when
she graduated, they wanted her back as a permanent employee.
She accepted the offer and, even though turning down a very promising
position with a federal government agency, returned "home".
We helped her move into an apartment. I still vividly remember my
feelings when Jo Ann and I drove away as she stood in the doorway,
unsuccessfully assuring us everything was fine and she was doing great.
We tried to call every couple of days to check on her. Each time we did,
we were greeted by a tearful "hello?".
It turned out to not be the same as she remembered. Her friends from
school and church were either married, in school, or gone. She was
alone.
And it wasn't the same ---- literally.
2. Because they can't be the same. To assume things will stay the same
is to be naive and gullible to fantasizing and dreaming. Much to our
dismay, time does not stand still.
We aren't in heaven yet; we are surrounded by the corruption and
consequences of sin. We and all about us are subject to the second law
of thermodynamics that simply says everything changes and deteriorates.
My hair color has changed, as has my weight. My town is different than
when I first arrived. My church isn't the same. My family isn't the
same ---- there are empty spots that didn't used to be there.
Sometimes we forget that our current ministry can never be the same as
the one before, and we expect things to go either as well, or as
miserably, as the last.
Years ago while I was still in high school, Dad returned to a church to
pastor a second time. But it wasn't the same ---- it couldn't be the
same. Memories paint a picture that is prettier than actual reality.
By God's very nature, things cannot remain the same. We should at least
stop resenting that fact, even if we can't keep from being sad on
occasion.
3. Because things change and we change. It's not realistic to think
that things will always be the same, because circumstances, conditions,
and the like are not static, but are always changing. We are always
changing. We're growing, responding to situations differently, maturing,
learning, etc.
4. Because we remember the best. When we focus on the best things of
the past, we tend to cling to them, not wanting things to change. We
want to duplicate today something wonderful that happened years ago at
another time or in another place.
Remembering the best is wonderful ---- unless it causes us to resent
things changing. If we remember the bad things, we're glad for the
changes. If we remember only the best, we mournfully declare, "It just
won't be the same anymore."
5. Because life goes on. It's not static. Life is always progressing .
. . . moving forward into the future.
Not only that, but life's experiences constantly take their toll on us.
Hurts create wounds; wounds are painful. We learn to respond defensively
to those hurts. If we allow the wound to create painful memories and
scars, we'll never be the same, and our relationships with others will
likewise not be the same.
'WHY DOES THAT BOTHER US?
Why are we sometimes so remorse and sad over the reality of things not
being the same as they once were?
1. Because we, by nature, are basically insecure. Sameness is safe.
Change is threatening. We like to feel safe; therefore, we want things
to remain the same.
I saw this so clearly in one of the comments I heard in my most recent
interim pastorate. What that person was really telling me was that they
were afraid of facing the experience of getting to know a new pastor and
take the chance of another painful upheaval or some type of
disappointment.
2. Because we want to live in the past and like to cling to the good
times of the past. To be sure, if we know things can be better, then
we're all in favor of the change. However, if we think things can't be
better, then we want to cling to the good things of the past rather than
risk the changes that come with moving on.
We value our fond and cherished memories of people, scenes, and events
gone by. Unfortunately, we usually canonize them and exaggerate them
beyond what is really true ---- like remembering that first bite of the
"most fantastic apple pie I ever ate," forgetting that the main reason it
tasted so good was because of the sweet young lady who baked it.
3. Because our past is often more exciting than our present. Everybody
wants to concentrate on that which brings the most joy and satisfaction.
If your present life is one of misery or unfulfilling monotony, then you
want the satisfaction of things being the way they used to be when you
were happy. However, that's neither realistic nor practical.
4. Because we are uncertain as to our abilities to cope with change.
Anytime there is a change of some type in our lives or ministries, we are
faced with our own vulnerability and humanity. Am I up to the new
ministry opportunity? Do I have what it takes?
The easier way out is to simply express sorrow or skepticism over the
inevitable change by saying, "It just isn't going to be the same
anymore."
5. Because we don't have control of the future. Again, because we are
so insecure, we find great comfort when we can control a situation. We
know we cannot really control the future, so we try to justify our regret
over the change by harping on how things are going to be so very
different, and they just won't be the way they used to be.
6. Because our priorities and values may be corrupted. Often we fail to
recognize the changes that have taken place within us, many of which may
not be good.
Our priorities may be influenced by those of others, or our sense of
values may be affected by adverse experiences. As a result they may
cause us to resist those changes and try to cover up our corrupted
thinking by whining over how things just aren't going to be the same.
SOMETHING WHICH CAN BE THE SAME:
Having said all that, I am happy to say there is good news for such a sad
thought. Even though my mother is dead and nothing will ever be the
same, there is a consoling truth that brings joy to my heart.
Even though past personal mistakes have left permanent marks on my life
that will never allow me to be the same or feel the same about certain
things, or even about myself, there is a truth that buoys me up through
those episodes of sorrow and regret which sometimes haunt my quiet
moments.
Even though those wonderful days gone by of my boyhood when I chased my
cousins through the orchards on my Grandfather's farm can never be
reclaimed, there is something that gives me calmness and contentment in
my soul.
No matter whether it's the heartache of a loss, the remorse of a failure,
the grief of a tragedy, or the disappointment of a collapsed ministry,
one thing is sure.
Jesus is the same ---- Yesterday, Today, and Forever!
The Alpha and Omega brings beginning and closure to all the experiences
of life.
The Everlasting One causes me to see the things of the temporal world in
proper perspective.
The One Who says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" gives me
security in an uncertain world.
The One described as "Faithful and True" builds hope in my heart and
confidence in my gait.
The One by Whom "all things consist", is the glue that holds all the
elements of my life together in one whole.
The One Who called me to serve Him says, "Faithful is He who Called you
Who also will perform it."
IN CONCLUSION:
Do you get my drift, friend?
It's quite simple.
Somewhere many of us have missed the point. Things don't have to be the
same . . . . because He is!
It's not about things . . . . it's about Him!
It's not about us . . . . it's about Him!
It isn't necessary for things to be the same in your ministry, because
it's about Him and not about you. Though things change, and you think
some things will never be the same again, that's wonderful! If you trust
Him, things will be better instead of just the same.
And, wouldn't you rather have it better than "the same"?
Even if great loss in your family situation has caused things never to
come back to where they used to be, they can, by His grace, be brought
beyond that to even greater things. The best can indeed be yet to come
for you in your marriage or in your relationship with your children ----
or your parents.
Even if betrayal has wounded you so deeply you feel you cannot go on, the
Ever Faithful One is also the Divine Healer of broken hearts. Though
things may never be the same as they once were, they don't have to remain
the same as they are ---- He can make all things new . . . . and better!
The "good old days" may never return for you, my friend . . . . but the
future can still be exceedingly bright.
Don't you think it's time for us to put that old myth to death . . . .
the idea that things will never be the same?
For, they never will.
More importantly . . . . . they shouldn't!
Remember, my dear, dear, brother or sister ---- "Eye has not seen nor ear
heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man, the things which God has
prepared for them who love Him." (I Cor 2:9)
Join with Paul in saying, "Now unto Him Who is able to do exceedingly
abundantly beyond all we ask or think, to Him be glory in the Church by
Christ Jesus.!" (Eph 2:20-21)
You're right, my friend . . . . things will never be the same.
Isn't that wonderful!?!?!
Just imagine how they can be . . . . someday!
No more grief; no more tears; no more sorrow . . . . God will wipe them
all away ---- someday.
And that "someday" just may be This day.
May it be a wonderful one for you.
Just remember this, friend . . . . every situation where you regret
things never being the same is an opportunity for God to do something
sensational in your life. Don't settle for things just being . . . . .
"the same".
In His Bond,
Bob Tolliver ---- (Rom 1:11-12)
Copyright December, 2000. All rights reserved.
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Hang in there! I'm with you!
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