SHOULDER TO SHOULDER #83 ---- 8/16/99
Posted by: lifeunlimited <lifeunlimited@...>
As We fight The Good Fight
SHOULDER TO SHOULDER #83 ---- 8/16/99
TITLE: "What Keeps You Going?" (Part Two ---- Looking For My Identity)
My Dear Partner in Ministry:
I greet you in the Lord today, rejoicing in His great goodness and love.
The voice in my heart today reminds me, in the words of Edith McNeill
published in 1974 and based on Lamentations 3:22-23, that "The steadfast
love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They
are new every morning, new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness, O
Lord. Great is Thy faithfulness!"
The actual scripture text reads this way: "The Lord's loving kindnesses
indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every
morning; Great is Thy faithfulness."
Have you found Him to be that kind of God for you, my friend? No matter
what you may see in the visible realm, that is indeed the kind of God He
is; He can be no other kind. If He were, He could not be God.
Perhaps it would be good to focus on that truth throughout this week.
JUST HAVE TO SHARE THIS:
The following article appeared on the Religion News Update I received
August 10th. What a breath of fresh air!
Teen-agers held a praise service during a traffic jam. Thirty-nine
members of a youth group and eight chaperones from Northside United
Methodist Church in Jackson, Tenn., were returning wet and tired from a
rafting trip when their chartered bus became stuck in a traffic jam on
Interstate 24 because of an accident a mile ahead. The teens invited
other motorists to use the bathroom in their bus, played with children in
nearby cars, and obtained permission from the driver of a flatbed truck
nearby to use his trailer for a praise service, United Methodist News
Service said.
...All 47 climbed onto the flatbed, pulling out several guitars and a
harmonica. People gathered around to listen as they sang lively songs
they had learned weeks before at Jubilee Weekend in Lake Junaluska, N.C.
Before long, 25 more teens arrived and climbed aboard the truck,
including those from a Church of Christ in Nashville, the news service
said.
...The bus was filled with lines of people waiting for the bathroom, and
the flatbed was surrounded by an audience. People with food began to pass
it out to those who didn't have any. Some motorists on the other side of
the interstate, where the traffic was moving, pulled over to take
photographs.
...The praise service lasted two hours, ending when the students got word
that the wreck was about to be cleared and they should return to the bus.
"What a witness it was," one participant said.
Isn't that something, or what! Now, on . . . .
TO THE MAIN THING:
Years ago I attended a national convention of several thousand ministers
and lay members (I hate those "label" barricades!), feeling pretty
overwhelmed by the huge crowd and the sounds of intertwined
conversations. Soon I realized just how minuscule I was in the grand
mechanism of that monstrous religious machine ---- I wasn't sure I was
even a tiny cog on the smallest wheel in the system.
Then I spotted someone I knew, and, elbowing past all those "brothers and
sisters" strangers, I caught him by the arm, and greeted him. When I
called him by name, a huge smile crossed his face and he said, "Well, my
goodness! It's great to see you . . . . . uh, . . . . uh, . . . ."
Searching for my name on my name tag, he finally said, "uh, . . . . Bob!
Man, it's good to see you! It's been ages! How are you doing?" Before
I could answer, and while I was still recovering from not being
remembered, he looked at my name tag again and said, "Where are you now?"
(as if I should have moved on up the ladder somehow).
When he learned I was still at the same church, he said, "Well, great.
Tell me, how are things going? Is your church growing?" Things were
going alright, but there really wasn't much to tell him.
"God has been good," I said. We're having a great time."
What he was really asking, since I had not gone on up the ladder to a
bigger church, was whether or not offerings and attendance were up and
whether or not our church was one of the regional "leaders of the pack"
in statistics.
What I was really answering was, "Not much has happened lately, but God
has sustained me in this place that really sucks!"
Then it was my turn. "So, how are things with you? Probably breaking
all kinds of records, right?"
His answers were equally vague, and I interpreted them as, "I'm not about
to tell you, buddy, how I really feel, because if I do, you'll know I'm
stuck right where you are in your race to success, and just as
unfulfilled."
We both knew what the other met, but, because neither of us could bear
the thought of being honest, and in so doing, feel like a rejected
failure, we kept up the phony meaningless discussion until he happened to
see another acquaintance, and excused himself to start the painful
process all over again.
"Well ---- that was swift! I don't care if I never see that guy again" I
thought, as I headed for the next "friend" across the lobby.
It's amazing how lonely you can feel in the middle of a crowd.
At the end of the day, with the exception of some genuine conversations
with a few guys whom I felt were real and had true interest in my
welfare, I was pretty burned out. I came away from the experience
thinking, "I really want to be successful, but according to those guys,
I'm not. But why do I keep trying to match up to their successes and
their standards of comparisons?"
Then I rationalized myself to sleep.
A few weeks later I attended a local monthly ministers' luncheon. I
always looked forward to such gatherings because it was refreshing to be
around people you knew who were in the same ball game you were in ----
and understood. Besides, several of them were guys I was pretty close
to.
We always met on Mondays ---- I guess so we would share the joys of the
day before ---- or maybe so we didn't have to wait so long to find a
shoulder to cry on.
After lunch, it was report time. We each took turns. I found myself,
even though at the time I wasn't a pastor, speaking "ministerially" about
the great day we'd had ---- which is to say I exaggerated considerably.
All of a sudden it hit me ---- "I just flat out lied to those guys! ----
Well, at least it was for the cause of Christ."
The W-h-a-t ? ? ?
THE NEED TO FEEL ACCEPTED:
Last letter I talked about the four major sources from which we tend to
get our sense of identity and value ---- 1) our Outer World around us,
2) Our inner world of memories and influences, 3) Satan, and 4) God's
Word.
I also mentioned that we, particularly those of us in vocational
ministry, are often some of the most insecure people in the world, and we
tend to develop our sense of worth on the basis of performance. Now
obviously, praise the Lord, not everyone is that way ---- but many are.
Are you?
I remember hearing Stuart Briscoe preach years ago on the subject of the
ministry. Being the great expositor he is, he talked about 1) The
Priority of the Ministry, 2) The Privilege of the Ministry, and 3)
The Pressures of the Ministry. I have looked in vain for the notes I took
on that great message, to no avail.
Of all the things he mentioned, I best remember how he addressed the
pressures of ministry in a way that took away my own sense of guilt and
failure for having certain feelings about being successful and about not
being able to match up to many of the standards set before me.
Making the same mistake millions have made, I had also assumed my sense
of worth and value was based on my position or performance. So, that
God-given need to feel worthwhile and of value, erroneously drove me to
find its fulfillment in what I did rather than in who I was.
PRESSURES TO PERFORM PERFECTLY:
Though it has been a life-long process, it was during that early time of
my pastoral ministry that God began to set me free from the bondage and
burden of expectations.
By their very nature, expectations automatically generate some degree of
pressure. If there are no expectations, there will be no pressure to
meet them. If there are expectations, there will be proportionate
pressure. The more the expectations, the more the pressure.
The more sources of expectations there are, the more confusion and
distress will accompany the pressure. If expectations happen to come
from the wrong sources, which they frequently do, then the pressure can
be virtually unbearable, and the only escape is to either give out, bow
out, or bail out ---- or die.
Pressure ---- confusion ---- distress. These words are strange bed
fellows with identity, but in the lives of far too many ministers, they
co-exist.
It is my personal belief that, because we seem to usually get our sense
of value from what we do rather than who we are, wrong as that may be, we
really set ourselves up when we allow human-sourced expectations to be
both the goal we strive for and the measurement of our success.
Looking back at my own life, I believe there were Five Basic Sources of
expectations which I tried to both juggle, harmonize, and meet.
1. Personal Expectations. I can honestly say that absolutely nobody,
unless he or she has genuinely been called of God to vocational ministry,
can fully understand or appreciate the inner drive one senses upon
realizing God has called him to vocational ministry. There is no other
calling in all the world like it, and others who have not senses such a
call will never fully understand or appreciate the intensity of such a
calling ---- you might as well get used to that.
Because the minister's calling is so high, and he or she is so human,
there is an indescribable level of expectation that wells up within his
own soul, having been birthed by an inner zeal cradled in the arms of
awed humility. When those expectations are met, there is elation.
However, when they are not met, as is often the case, there is
disappointment, discouragement, and even utter despair ---- particularly
in light of personal failures.
Such failures usually result in deep feelings of guilt and a renewed
determination to do better by doing more. And, that cycle often repeats
itself time and again, leading only to greater discouragement and deeper
despair. If the cycle is not stopped, the minister will either become
calloused to the routine, relinquish his vision, or bail out entirely.
2. Family Expectations. These are more often assumed than intended. If
the family is a godly family, they have great hopes and joy, but seldom
real expressed expectations.
Unfortunately, the person in ministry often doesn't know that, and just
assumes that his family has certain lofty expectations of godliness,
effectiveness, success, and numerical growth, when, in fact, they do not.
That family would probably be grieved to learn that their loved one was
operating under the pressures of assumed expectations.
If, on the other hand, the family is carnal or non Christian, they
probably do have some very unhealthy expectations ---- possibly
accompanied by a horrible hope that the minister "fails" so they can
debunk his message and salve their own consciences for having rejected
the message of the Gospel.
Or, their expectations may be their own way of gaining approval from God
or from others by having a loved one "who is in the ministry", making up
for their own failures or lifestyle.
Suspecting this, the minister, then, senses an enormous burden of
responsibility and expectation on himself to "do a good job" and "live a
perfect life", because, if he doesn't, he may end up being personally
responsible for sending his loved ones to hell.
The spouse and children of a minister are also factors. Because they
know him inside and out, he realizes they know that outside the church he
is often not anything like what he appears to be and preaches about
being, even though he wants to be and tries to be.
This sense of expectation can often do irreparable damage to inner peace
and family unity. In order to avoid the disappointing glances and the
hurts of broken promises, the minister simply buries himself more into
ministerial busy-ness, using it as a reason to stay away and as an excuse
for his failure to his family.
Tragically, this places God and the Church in a place neither should be
---- in competition with the spouse and the children. It won't be long
before resentment, jealousy, and bitterness will develop in family
members for all the times God and/or church takes that spouse away from
them.
That is not God's idea of a happy family ---- and it was certainly never
His intent.
3. Congregational Expectations: Few churches are really instructed in
the areas of minister/church dynamics. To many members the minister is
an "employee" who has been hired to do certain things for them. Most of
the time what job description may exist is verbal only, or even in the
minds of the members. This makes it easy to change the expectations list
or create your own ---- both by which to judge the performance level of
the minister, and decide whether or not he's doing a good job.
Others see the minister as the "hired gun" who is being paid to do the
work of ministry, leaving the congregation to just show up, give their
money, and hold down certain necessary positions that they either know
the pastor won't be able to do, or they don't want him to control.
No matter whether the congregational attitude is either demanding or
supportive, the minister faces unbelievable pressures to perform. He or
she, suspecting that comparison is being made with the predecessor/s,
will try to out perform the best of them, either because of intimidation
or because of love for them. Either way, the joy of serving Christ and
the church is lost in the process.
You may find it hard to believe, but I pastored a church where, though
the vast majority of the members were unbelievably supportive and loving,
a small handful of self-appointed monitors kept me constantly on edge as
they literally matched tire tracks with my car to see if I'd come to the
church office, put scotch tape seals on my study door to see if I had
been there, and a myriad of other "snoop and snitch" tactics.
Needless to say, such congregational expectations stole my joy ---- and
any motivation to minister to the people.
4. Peer Expectations: Tragically, some of our greatest expectations
appear to come from our peers. Maybe because I felt some of those things
in my earlier ministry, I go out of my way to be sure my peers know I
love and appreciate them simply for who they are, and not for what they
have done.
Some of these expectations come from fellow ministers while others filter
down through the denominational pipe line.
One of my most vivid memories of such expectations relates to a time when
my salary was being subsidized by my denomination. The "higher ups" drew
up a list of duties, many of which were totally inappropriate for that
particular ministry setting, made little or no sense, and put me in a
posture of either having to do totally unproductive performance, or
become a liar.
There are other times when these expectations are manufactured purely in
the inner recesses of our own jealous and covetous hearts where we find
ourselves wanting to be competitors rather than partners with other
ministers in the same locale or the same organization. We'll even stoop
so low as to stretch the truth beyond recognition in order to come out on
top of the pile.
5. Societal Expectations: Society also has certain expectations that
can influence a minister. Interestingly, in recent generations, those
expectations have taken a major turn.
In the past, society expected us to show up at every civic ceremony, be
involved in fraternal and educational organizations, live a holy and
godly life, be a person of high repute, and reach out in compassion to
all who were in need.
Today, however, society more often than not expects the minister to have
an affair, have children who constantly get in trouble, be a
controversial political player, or steal the church funds. When that
doesn't happen, they are often disappointed. When the minister turns out
to be a genuine article, they look for other measures of expectations
that will help them mask over the conviction and condemnation of their
own hearts for their lack of interest in spiritual things.
Well ---- you can see what kind of life a minister lives when he is
constantly under intense pressures from these types of expectations.
And, ---- if he doesn't measure up, he often will be further caught in
the performance trap, because, if he can see results, that means he's a
good person.
Just between you and me, my friend ---- I really believe the Lord Jesus
weeps and grieves over such a tragic condition of one of His called out
and chosen under shepherds. We really have no idea just how much it
pains our Master to see us in our futility and despair as we struggle to
"do the best we can do" instead of simply "being the best He has made us
to be".
OUR REAL SOURCE OF IDENTITY:
As I'm sure you fully know, our sense of true identity can never come
from performance, no matter how appealing it may seem, no matter how much
effort we put into it, and no matter how successful we appear to have
been.
And, I'm certain you know that our true identity comes from our identity
in Jesus Christ.
However, ---- do you know it in true experience?
And, ---- do you understand in a practical and experiential way how the
death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ relates to your true
identity, position, and ministry for Christ?
That's what I want to share with you in my next letter. Until then, I am
. . .
Yours in Christ's Bond of Grace,
Bob
Bob Tolliver ---- (Rom 1:11-12)
Copyright August, 1999. All rights reserved.
If this letter has blessed you and you know of someone else who needs to
be encouraged, feel free to forward it in its entirety to all such people
you know.
If you would like a list of past issues which you could receive upon
request, just let us know.
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{ (O) (O) }
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Hang in there! I'm with you!
-------.ooooO--------------- Ooooo--------
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