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'SHOULDERS" #70 ---- 5/17/99

Posted by: lifeunlimited <lifeunlimited@...>

Standing Shoulder To Shoulder With You In The Trenches
As We fight The Good Fight

SHOULDER TO SHOULDER #70 ---- 5/1799

TITLE:

Dear

A LITTLE HUMOR:

I literally get dozens of jokes, funny stories, and absurd reports weekly
---- and I love to laugh. Some of the stuff is truly corny ----- some is
hilarious.

So, to start today's letter, I want to pass on a couple such masterpieces
of amusement.

1. MARTHA STEWART'S "Tips for Rednecks", or, "Handy Hints for the
Relatives Down Home".

For those outside the U.S. who may not recognize the name, Martha Stewart
is a "Julia Childs" in sneakers, who also knows how to paint houses and
mow lawns. A "redneck" is a southern version of Red Green, or ----------
well, he's hard to explain.

1) PERSONAL HYGIENE

* While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

* Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

* Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

2) ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

* A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.

* Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his table
manners are.

3) DATING (Outside the Family)

* Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

4) THEATER ETIQUETTE

* Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.

* Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
that they can't hear you.

5) WEDDINGS

* Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

* Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

* For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

* Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.

6) DRIVING ETIQUETTE

* Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.

* When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.

* Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

* When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
ask her to bring back a pop.

* Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

7) TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

* Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

* It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

* If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

* Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

2. BLAME THE COMPUTER BLOOPERS

Here are some "goofs" found in church bulletins, newsletters, and on
signs.

Missionary, Bertha Belch, Speaking At Calvary Memorial in Racine.
Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from
Africa".

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

Easter Sunday we will have a 9:30 service. The 11:00 will be hell as
usual.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use the large double doors at
the side entrance.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

The peace-making conference scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.

Morning Worship Sermon: Jesus Walks On Water.
Evening Worship Sermon: Searching For Jesus.

AN UPDATE FROM TONETTE:

So many have expressed personal concern for our friend, Tonette Kellett,
the missionary in Kenya who contracted malaria and then had one of her
students die fro it, that I wanted to pass this latest message on to you.
Thanks for caring so much:

"This has been a difficult two weeks... I spent part of it incoherent,
some weeping, some of it mourning with my class the lost of my student, a
whole lot of it sleeping, very little of it eating.

"For those of you that don't know, malaria is a disease you get in
tropical climates at low elevations - from a mosquito bite. Not all
mosquitos are carriers. And when you're being bitten, you can't know.
These mosquitos breed best in swampy areas where the water is still (like
the Tana River, where the Orma live).

"There are four different strands of malaria. One of them, if not
treated quickly, is fatal. The other three kinds will just make you
really sick, and if not treated, will keep returning in a cyclical
pattern. Malaria is always accompanied with fever, chills, achiness, and
nausea.

"And at its peak, I can't think of anything worse I've ever had. When
the fever finally breaks it leaves your body completely zapped of
strength - you have no strength for anything at all.

"By last Sunday, this is the point I had finally reached - no fever, but
no energy either. For the first time all week I thought I had an
appetite. Tricia and I went to get a sandwich together, and before ever
arriving at the deli I received the news that my student, Michael, had
died that morning. Being unspeakably weak already, this news just
completely wiped me out.

"Through all of this, I had not been thinking like a 5th grader. Until
Wednesday I did not realize that their minds were busy making
assumptions. Michael had malaria, Miss Kellett has malaria. Michael
died, Miss Kellett will die too.

"I'd heard one child mention it, and thought I'd address it openly just
in case anyone else had come to that same conclusion. My entire class
broke into tears! I was floored. They were all thinking that it was just
a matter of time now. When we finished discussing all of that
thoroughly, and I stood up to dismiss them to recess, they nearly knocked
me over giving me hugs and kisses!

"Because of their response, I made a gallant effort the rest of the day
to convince them I was back to normal. I did a fine job until about 1pm.
At 2pm, in the office, I collapsed. I'd crashed physically and
emotionally. Though my kids hadn't seen the crash landing, they'd
certainly seen the nose dive leading up to it, and were scared all over
again.

"I was sent home (without my car) to stay in bed and sleep, and to try to
eat, all day Thursday. On Friday I was well enough to see my class again
for just a brief period. I knew they needed to see I was regaining my
strength, before a long weekend, especially after Wednesday. This was
good - I only stayed until 10:30.

"Yesterday was Saturday. I woke up really feeling good again...finally.
I laughed, and watched movies with Tricia, and played games, and ate. I
told Tricia I'd missed her. She said she'd been here the whole time ----
it was me that had left.

"That's my report for this week. My praise is that I'm better,
physically and otherwise. The malaria is gone, and my appetite is back.
In my heart, there is still an emptiness for Michael. I think it will be
there for a while. Many of you sent me sweet notes of encouragement this
past week, and the week before - thank you.

"I ask that you continue praying for Michael's family. They are in the
States for a few weeks, planning to return to Kenya the first week of
June. (Randy and Annie Stephens, and his brother David in 3rd grade)

"Thank you again for writing; your letters mean so much. Thank you more
for praying. That means so much more.

"In His healing hands - Tonette"

SPECIAL PRAYER REQUEST:

Today I am asking you to undergird us in a special prayer need. In just
eight days, Jo Ann and I will be taking a team of 13 back to the Balkans
---- this time to Croatia. We will be ministering in four primary areas:

1. Continued renovation work at the Hope Center in Fuzine. This is our
fourth consecutive year to do construction work. Our first trip we
installed about 90% of the new roof. This year we will be doing interior
work installing door locks, painting, and otherwise helping prepare 23
sleeping rooms for their inaugural use beginning August 1.

As part of our responsibility, we have had to purchase 35 door locks, and
we are also raising $1700 for each of two of the sleeping rooms,
purchasing all furniture, bedding, accessories, linens, etc. One room is
for Life Unlimited Ministries, and the other is for Southwest Baptist
University.

That is a big project, so please pray that God will provide safety,
energy, a cooperative spirit, and the needed $3700.

2. Youth evangelism and discipleship retreat in Karlovac will be held
June 4-6. Anticipating around 20 high school students, we will be
ministering both to new Christians and also to unbelievers. Pray that
God will provide the $300 for transportation costs, and that He will give
wisdom, compassion, and instantaneous rapport between the teens and our
team.

3. Bosnian refugees at the camp in Fuzine. We have worked there before.
Seventeen families remain. Pray that God will give them open hearts to
receive our love and that He will open doors for us to do more than just
give out fresh fruit and other needed gifts. Pray that God will allow
some of the seed to bear fruit.

4. A group of about 40 war victims from Tuzla, Bosnia, only about six or
seven are believers, will be joining us for a week at the Life Center in
Crikvenica, Croatia for a time of rest, renewal, and teaching. They will
arrive Monday, June 7 and remain for a week.

We are not only providing entertainment, servanthood, crafts, and Bible
teaching, but we are also providing about $2,000 toward their cost of
attending.

Please pray that God will provide the funds, safety, and spiritual
insight for adequate preparation and ministry to these dear people.

We will travel to Kansas City either next Monday or Tuesday, and then
will fly out Wednesday to Detroit, and then on to Amsterdam and then
Vienna. After a day in Vienna, we will travel by train all day to
Rijeka, Croatia, where we arrive at 5:17 local time Saturday evening.
>From there we go to the Life Center, and begin work on Sunday.

I will write you three times from Croatia before returning home on June
17th. Thanks so much for praying.

NOW TO THE MAIN THOUGHT:

Several months ago my good friend Jeff Floyd wrote an excellent piece on
"The Flow of Grace" I filed it in my "Draft" file knowing I wanted to
use it at some time. Today seems to be an appropriate time. So ----
enjoy. Be blessed by God's grace, my friend.

It is all grace.

I've often wondered about a good definition of God's grace. I don't know
if this is adequate, but consider this one:

"Grace is the undeserved, unmerited, unattainable expression of all of
God's nature, character, and provision into special moments of need in
our lives which would otherwise do us in, if it were not for His grace."

Here's Jeff's article. It is brief, but profound. I pray it blesses
your heart.

Today
The Way Up is Down

It is fun to 'ride high',--to know the pleasure of circumstances fitting
together right, and life being fun. It is very devastating, when riding
high, to be brought low. When the circumstantial rug has been jerked
from under us,
it can leave us flat on our backs with no where to turn and no place to
go.

God is not one to waste experiences like that.

As much as we might think He has deserted us, He is there. Actually,
God is the God of the low places as well as the mountains. While it
seems to delight Him to permit us to visit the mountain tops, he
apparently prefers that we live in the valleys.

Grace is like water. It doesn't accumulate on the mountain tops. They
serve as a water shed channeling the water from the heights down to the
valleys. It is in the valleys that the great lakes are.

Grace is the greatest in our valleys because that's where the greatest
need for it is. We hardly think of needing it when things are going
great, only when things are going badly.

God is more concerned with carving us into the image of Jesus that He is
with permitting us to live lives free from pain, sorrow, conflict and
other human ills that we are subject to.

When the knife is the sharpest the definition is the greatest. Paul
understood that when he exclaimed: 'That I may know him, and the power
of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made
conformable unto his death' (Philippians 3:10). He knew that to go
deeper with Jesus also meant to go with Him more deeply into the place of
His sufferings.

The valleys are where faith is strengthened, lives purified, values
purged and commitments defined. We tend to complain to the Lord in such
times about how much we need to be back on the mountain tops where we can
really serve Him well. The greatest and most life shaping experiences
happen in the valleys.

Our tenure in the valleys are hinged on our attitudes. When we can come
of the place of praise, thanksgiving and rejoicing WHERE WE ARE, the
lessons are learned.

When we have truly entered into His valley presence, we don't care where
He wants or places us after that. However, as long as there is any
complaint left, He has no choice but to leave us to the shaping effect of
valley living.

The way up is down! Peter admonished: 'Humble yourselves, therefore,
under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time' (1 Peter
5:6). The cross always precedes the crown.

Struggle, though grace, is transformed into life-giving enablements.
When we are the most stripped, we have the greatest capacity to exemplify
the person of the Lord Jesus and to receive from Him all we need to be
all He desires.

Jeff

To subscribe or unsubscribe write your request to [email protected].
To find how you can become a participating partner to the international
outreach of Jubilee Ministries write to either [email protected] or:
Jefferson H. Floyd, Director
Jubilee Ministries
P. O. Box 3202
Carmel, IN 46082
Copyright September, 1998 by Jefferson H. Floyd. All rights reserved.

IN CONCLUSION:

Well, my dear friend, I hope that blessed you. It truly is Amazing Grace
---- and it is always Grace Greater Than All Our Sin.

Live in His grace today ---- this week. Draw from its vast depths, and
let its waters wash over you with life-giving, renewing, soothing,
invigorating coolness.

Have a great week!

In His Bond,

Bob Tolliver ---- (Rom 1:11-12)
Copyright May, 1999. All rights reserved.

If this letter has blessed you and you know of someone else who needs to
be encouraged, feel free to forward it in its entirety to all such people
you know.

If you would like a list of past issues which you could receive upon
request, just let us know.

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{ (O) (O) }
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Hang in there! I'm with you!

-------.ooooO--------------- Ooooo--------
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