Texas jokes
Posted by: clean-hewmor <clean-hewmor@...>
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water...
You can say 110 degrees without fainting...
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off...
You can make instant sun tea...
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly...
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance...
Hot water now comes out of both taps...
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out
on the streets...
You actually burn your hand opening the car door...
You break a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30 a.m. before
work...
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up
lying on the pavement and cook to death"?...
(Ed. note: what idiot rides a bicycle in the summer?)
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state...
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air
conditioning...
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It's so hot in Texas ......
The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to
pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
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Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
hard boiled eggs.
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It's so dry in Texas...
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
the trees are whistlin' for the dogs.
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A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz
I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."
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A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher
quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible
where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"
The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."
"Well," the rancher puffed up, we got 'bout two and a half inches during
that spell."