Three Nothings
Posted by: forthrightmag <forthrightmag@...>
http://www.forthright.net
Straight to the Cross
COLUMN: Fidelity
Three Nothings
by Mike Benson
The names have been changed, but the story is
real. Young ladies, please read this thoughtfully
and prayerfully. You could be Tracy some day:
"When they first started to date, Grant told
Tracy he wanted to be 'just friends'. Tracy was
happy with the arrangement. But then, after
about a month of going out together, their
relationship began to change. It happened
slowly and seemed natural enough ... Grant first
put his arm around her shoulder and kept it
there. Later that evening Tracy wondered again
what was happening between them when Grant gave
her a good-night kiss ... the question crossed
her mind: Weren't we going to be 'just
friends?' But then, in the warmth of the
moment, she put the thought behind her. Within
a couple of weeks, Grant's and Tracy's physical
relationship had moved ... They weren't merely
pecking each other on the mouth. Their kisses
lingered. And Grant's hand, which he'd been so
careful that first night never to let stray
from Tracy's shoulder, now began gliding down
to the small of her back, to her side, to her
hips… At the end of a date about seven months
into their relationship, he remarked, 'Well,
Tracy, I've really enjoyed our relationship,
but this is going to have to be the last time
we see each other for a while. I've been seeing
Brenda.' 'Huh?!' said Tracy, startled. 'What?!
What are you saying?!' 'I told you six months
ago that I wanted to be your friend,' Grant
pleaded. 'I told you I was making no
commitments.' 'No commitments!' Tracy shouted.
'No commitments! You ...!' Tears welled in her
eyes as Tracy felt the bitter sting of
betrayal. How natural and innocent Grant made
it sound: 'I never said ....' And yet he had,
hadn't he? By his actions" (John Holzmann,
Dating with Integrity, 59-60).
Like many of her peers today, Tracy made a costly
mistake. She sacrificed her virginity for the
companionship of a selfish and immature young man.
She may have also relinquished the success of her
future marriage by being intimate with Grant./1
I wish I had a quarter for every tear that has
been shed by young Christian women who have lost
their purity. Like Tracy, their hearts have been
broken, their reputations have been tainted, and
the most precious gift they own has been
surrendered—not to a loving and devoted husband,
but to some self-indulgent interloper (1 Thess.
4:6).
Those of us who counsel try to offer comfort. "God
is forgiving" (2 Chron. 6:21; Psm. 25:18; 32:1),
we promise. The words are true and need to be
internalized, but often they are marginally
helpful at best. Words, no matter how well-
intentioned they may be, cannot reclaim cherished
innocence and virtue.
I appreciate the guidance of one father and how he
communicates moral values to his family. Like me,
he wants to protect his daughter from the pain and
consequences of promiscuity. He writes:
"Before a young man took out my daughter, he
usually would come over for dinner. Before he
came I would ask my daughter, 'Would you like
to tell him the three nothings, or would you
like for me to tell him the three nothings?'
Usually my daughter would tell him the three
nothings before he arrived at the door.
However, that gave me a good opportunity when
we met to merely ask the young man, 'I am sure
that my daughter has told you about the three
nothings.' 'Yes, sir.' 'Good. What are they?' I
would ask. 'Nothing below the neck. Nothing
comes off. And nothing lying down.' 'Super!' I
would reply. 'I just want you to know that I
know them. My daughter knows them and [now] you
know them'" (Douglas M. Cecil, The 7 Principles
of an Evangelistic Life, 125-126).
Young ladies, God's plan for your happiness
requires that sex be kept pure and beautiful (1
Thess. 4:3-8; Gen. 2:24-25; Prov. 5:19-20; Song of
Solomon). This doesn't mean the complete absence
or denial of passion, but rather the proper
directing of such within the boundaries of a
lifelong, committed, Christian marriage (Heb.
13:4).
Can you remember the three nothings? "For this is
the will of God, your sanctification, that you
should abstain from sexual immorality" (1 Thess.
4:3; cf. 1 Tim. 4:12).
__________
1/"Couples who strongly believe that sex outside
of marriage is wrong are ... 31 percent more
satisfied with their sex lives" (Bethesda Research
Group, quoted by William R. Mattox Jr., "The
Hottest Valentine," Washington Post, 1994). "Those
who cohabitate or live together before marriage
have a 50 percent higher possibility of divorce
than those who do not" (M. D. Newcomb and P. M.
Bentler, "Assessment of Personality and
Demographic Aspects of Cohabitation and Marital
Success," Journal of Personality Assessment 44,
1980, 21). "Researchers at UCLA discovered that
not only do those who cohabitate have a higher
level of divorce, they are more likely to commit
adultery once they get married" (Chip Ingram,
Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships, 2003, 147).
A study conducted by the University of South
Carolina suggests that those who abstain from sex
before marriage have the highest rates of marital
fidelity (ibid). "The introduction of sex in a
dating relationship is almost always the ushering
in of the breakup of that relationship" (Les and
Leslie Parrott, Relationships, 1998, 138).
----
Read this article online, tell us what you think,
see who's commenting, click here:
forthright.antville.org/stories/551678/
----
You can help us get the word out. Here's how:
forthright.antville.org/stories/340415/