Quote from Forum Archives on October 19, 2001, 11:02 am

Posted by: empalo <empalo@...>

This week has been one of reflection for me. Perhaps its the seriousness of
life since 9-11 or maybe its age or both. Maybe its just maturing of Christian life.
My husband was speaking to me that we have really been the only generation
that did not know the fear of plagues or illness spread and cities being wiped out.
We are now living in a time that can resemble early frontier life. Fear of intruders
in the night, fear of disease that can take a family out. Fear of food contamination
etc. How many of us know stories from our grandparents that tell of hardships we
know nothing about? Now we are experiencing some of this and it may be the very
thing that draws us closer to God.
Now after this doom and gloom opening, come the good reflective part of my thinking.
All these thoughts have brought me to a place of really, honestly looking at my life.
Am I ready to meet my Maker ? Am I an instrument of His peace ? Do I live in
fear and worry, when I know that is not right ? Do I have peace on my face that
is real and sincere ? Do I hide behind my modest dress and headcovering so
that I "look" the part but take no real responsibility to BE the part ?
Do I have mood swings, ups and downs that show an unsteady course with the
Lord ? Do I live in moderation in all things ? Do I yell at my
children at home and then walk out the door and walk the isles of Wal-mart
looking saintly and speaking to my children in such sweet tones that I can almost
hear the admiration of those around me, so here comes PRIDE,
but its not how I am at home all the time ? There is the fall
Do I ask my husband what he thinks or believes is right about something and then
silently fume inside because I didn't like the answer he gave me ?
These questions are the things I need to look at within myself to see if I am sincere
to see if my walk is right with the Lord. Do I have a critical attitude about others ?
Anyone ? No matter where they are with the Lord ? Do I speak badly about the
ministers in front of my children so they learn to be critical too ?
Do I show gluttony about food ? Do I show lack of faith by storing up goods ?
Not just a three days supply for emergency, but "goods" lots of things, clothes
crafts, fabrics, food, anything beyond the need of the present. I think I could feed
the homeless for a week from the amount of money I have spent on fabric sitting
in a bin waiting for some "inspiration" that may never come. Reminds me of
the verse about moths getting our stored up treasures.
Am I really ready to stand before the Lord unashamed ? NOPE, and I do every
day when I bring my requests to HIM. I don't have to wait to die for this meeting.
I call on HIM daily, hourly, and how hard am I trying to surrender those cherished
sins we all haul around ?
Does my outside the house "me" match the who I really am, what I really think
inside ? No, in honesty it doesn't always match. I am not a bad person, just a
sinner, looking with honesty at the things I know about myself. Its not where I
want to be. So, today, I will look deep and see what does my life speak .

pat