When the Honeymoon Is Over
Posted by: ba <ba@...>
http://www.forthright.net
Straight to the Cross
COLUMN: Fidelity
When the Honeymoon Is Over
by Mike Benson
My mind reels every time I read this story…
The day had finally arrived for Jacob. For seven
years he had looked forward to making Rachel his
wife (Gen. 29:18). He had served the better part
of a decade for his bride-to-be and it had seemed
but a few days to him (v. 20).
Following the "wedding reception" (v. 22), Jacob's
father-in-law, Laban, brought his new bride to him
in the evening. The newly-married couple then
spent their first intimate night alone (vv. 21,
23):
"It was the custom to have a great festive week
after a wedding, beginning with a banquet on the
nuptial night, with many male guests invited. At
the proper time, when the wedding formalities had
been observed, Laban presented his daughter to
Jacob as his wife.
Although Leah was veiled, Jacob never questioned
that it was really Rachel. The two sisters were no
doubt sufficiently alike in stature and general
mien, probably even in tone of voice, that the
deception was fairly easy to accomplish on the
unsuspecting Jacob. When he took her into his
chambers and into his bed, it was dark, and no
doubt much of the conversation that night was in
whispers and in brief words of love. Probably also
Leah had been arrayed in Rachel's clothing and
perfumes. It was not until the morning that Jacob
actually saw he had been grievously deceived"
[Henry Morris, "Jacob and Laban," The Genesis
Record, Baker, 461].
Amazing, isn't it? Rather than sleeping with
Rachel, Jacob had spent the first night of his
honeymoon alone with Leah (v. 17) — and he didn't
even know it!
We can only imagine the anger and shock that he
felt at the moment of discovery. The Bible says,
"So it came to pass in the morning, that behold,
it was Leah. And he said to Laban, 'What is this
you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I
served you? Why then have you deceived me?'" (v.
25). Jacob's kinfolk had conspired against him
(1), and he found himself in bed not with the
beautiful daughter of Laban, but with the tender-
eyed(2) daughter of Laban. He must have been hurt.
May I suggest that Jacob is not the only person to
have ever experienced this kind of "morning
revelation"? Every day, newlyweds around the world
awaken to the realization that they've married the
wrong person. Like Jacob, they discover that
they've joined themselves to someone far below
their expectations:
"I never knew he had a drinking problem..."
"I always assumed she would attend worship with
me..."
"I never realized he had such a temper..."
"I never imagined she could be so careless with
money..."
"I never noticed when we were dating that he could
be so possessive and controlling..."
The truth is, we ALL eventually "wake up" and find
ourselves in this kind of circumstance (cf. Rom.
3:23; 1 John 1:8,10). Imperfections that were once
hidden [or overlooked] inevitably come to light
and the honeymoon draws to an end. But what
happens at this juncture is critical, because when
we experience real disappointment in our mates,
the relationship then takes one of two directions.
Either the union begins to dissolve and divorce
ensues, or else we commit ourselves to making the
marriage succeed (Matt. 19:6; cf. Rom. 7:3). Jacob
decided to take the latter approach. Despite his
frustration, he was able to "work through" (vv.
26-30) his unique marital problems and find an
acceptable solution. Granted, the Patriarch lived
under a different law and dispensation than we do
today (cf. Gal. 6:2), but the principle remains
the same. We can bemoan the fact we didn't marry a
"Prince Charming" or "Cinderella", or we can make
adjustments and bring real substance to our vows.
Dear reader, what will you do when you experience
disappointment in your marriage? How will you
respond when you realize that you've married "the
wrong person"? Will you work like Jacob (cf. Luke
9:23; cf. Eph. 5:25, 28-29; Titus 2:4), or will
you run?
1) I find it noteworthy that Jacob earlier in life
had deceived his father (Gen. 27:1ff), Isaac,
about his own identity. Now the tables have been
turned on him in return (cf. Gal. 6:7).
2) The word "tender eyed" in Hebrew means weak-
eyed, a turning eye, or cross-eyed. Evidently,
Leah had a problem with her sight and the
disfigurement made her face unappealing.
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