From_Chasm_To_Christ

FROM CHASM TO CHRIST – THE TESTIMONY OF BILL BENNETT

I was born in 1956 in a Roman Catholic hospital in Madison,Wisconsin. My mother was a devout Roman Catholic, who was constantlyinvolved in activities in her church. Whatever organization she wasin, she always seemed to become an officer and a leader.

There were crucifixes all around our home, and I can clearlyremember the altar on the top of the stairs, with all of the childrendevoutly kneeling to say our Rosary and prayers. Naturally, I was inwas a good student in catechism class. I took my Catholicism soseriously I would make a list of my sins and bring them into theconfession box lest I omitted one.

When I was in the eighth grade, we visited a pre-seminary inMadison. I seriously thought of the priesthood, and was accepted at theseminary even though I was far below the necessary academic standards.There was a shortage of priests in the church, so not only did theyaccept me, they often bent the rules to keep me in. Many times myselfand fellow seminarians broke rules, were repremanded, given work detailsor restricted for some time, and then reinstated.

I was introduced to many things in seminary. Even before I enteredHoly Name Seminary, I can remember the priest bringing all thecandidates out for a movie with bratwurst and beer afterward. (I was14 years old!). We seminary students regularly went to X-rated movies,at the local drive in, and our use of beer and cigars didn’t bother us.It was at Holy Name that I began smoking marijuanna & Hash. I had anelaborate pipe collection and ocassionally we smoked in the buildingif we could find a window that ‘sucked’ air outside. There was noexample to show us these things were bad for us, the loose morals ofthe seminarians were encouraged by the attiutudes of the priests, whoopenly displayed their sexual looseness, smoking and drinking habits.

I had never known anything of homosexuality until those seminarydays, and I can still remember a priest running from the swimming poolwith two bathing shorts in his hands, being pursued down the hall bytwo naked students.

We didn’t have any Bible studies, but only religion classes thattaught us the number one position of the Catholic Church in a world ofreligious confusion that was all heading toward Romanism. It was asif everyone else was trying to play “catch-up” to the Catholic Church,in building sizes, money, sacraments & numbers of adherents. I Onlyrecall 2 of the 33 students in my freshman year had Bibles; both wereridiculed by their classmates, and one had to leave seminary after hisroom was torched by another student.

Though I was raised to be proud of my Roman Catholic heritage, theSeminary experience cast a dark cloud over the faith I once had in theinstitution, I once regarded as God’s only true Church. After having myeyes opened at Holy Name, there was little that would restrain me fromdegenerating morally & intellectionally. Coming from a sheltered homeinto the world such as this, troubled me and soon I began to questionmuch of what I was taught – both by the Catholic Church and my parents.

During my second year, only 20 of the original 33 returned (I foundout later that only 13 or so actually graduated). I was accused ofsomething I didn’t do (I had previously done this many times), and wasgrounded to campus for weeks. I ran away, but was returned, andfinally, at 16 years of age, I left the seminary for good.

Back in secular high school, I was known as the ex-seminary student,and the other boys had a hard time understanding my drug abuse andloose living. Things got worse and worse, even though, while I washome, I still attended church to please my parents, with much resentment.

I lived 12 years of drug abuse. I smoked marijuanna 12 years, andbefore I even learned to smoke cigarettes I smoked dope. It hasdestroyed much of my ability to remember things. I also smokedcigarettes all this time. I drank so heavily while working in Mainethat I can hardly remember what I did most of the summer. Even mygirlfriend told me she thought I was becoming an alcholic in just 5weeks of camp. Later after moving to Milwaukee I built a beer tapperfor half barrels, I had a constant, steady supply for after work,weekends, and all my “friends” who frequently visited. I did L.S.D. outhere too. All of these things destroyed some of my body that God hasgiven me, and the only thing they added was the guilt of sin andemptiness.

I don’t know how many women I hurt while working at the Ranch, but Iused my position as “Head Riding Instructor” to get what ever I wanted.Sometimes it required laying some ground work like getting to knowthem, but sometimes I knew them only a few days. Even after I gotmarried little changed in my heart and mind.

Much of my life had been trying to get what ever I could fromwhomever I could. Nobody will deny I was a frequent freeloader. Ilived off the Ranch out of sheer laziness and lack of ambition.Whatever I was into, all of my efforts and money consumed all my time.

There was a time driving home from Colorado in my Volkswagen I’llnever forget. The temperature had fallen all afternoon, and it wasnearly 18 below as I was driving through Nebraska. The fuel line wasfrozen between two of my injectors, and the car was running on 2 of its4 cylinders. The car moved very slowly down the interstate, and thewind and cold was much more than half of my heating system couldhandle. I exited at Kearney, Nebraska, after seeing all the frozentrucks, since I could barely get the car over 10 mph. It was alsosnowing to make things worse. After the gas station south of theinterstate refused to let me in to thaw the car out, I prepared to waitout the weather in my tent and sleeping bag. The car with all itsholes was too cold. I put on all the clothes I packed and climbed intomy fiber filled bag. Since I had only enough money to get back home, ahotel was out of the question. As I lay there, I realized that thepossibility of my never waking up again was very real. So I prayed. Iprayed every prayer I could remember and told God if I made it throughthat night, I would live for Him from there on. I awoke wet, in apuddle of water from the snow that had melted from below the tent.

God allowed me to live, but I didn’t even try to keep my promise toHim.

In 1980, I married Sherie, who had been brought up in a Christianhome, saved at an early age, but was not now walking with the Lord. Inspite of her backslidden state, God used her to challenge my way ofliving, In her there was a genuine love for me I had never sensed inanyone else before. This frustrated me the most, and she manifested astrong Christian love to me.

I can’t say I patterned my habits after anyone in peticular, becausemy strong will lead me to turn against even those whom I envied. Sortof a love and hate conflict (to abuse the real meaning of love). Onemoment I would be sincere, but the next, I’d go for the juggler vein.All that mattered was myself esteem. As long as I felt good everyoneelse was OK. Who ever was avaviable after a humbleing experience wasas good a target as any, my youngest brother knows this better thananyone else, but later it became my own wife. It seemed like I couldeasily reduce her to tears and frustration but when it came to restoringher I was at a loss. In her there was a genuine love for me I hadnever sensed in anyone else before. This frustrated me the most, probablybecause it was this devoted love that made her so attractive. Guiltoverwelmed me, and the pain of knowing I had hurt her deeply, crushedmy pride and has brought me back to her beaten over and over again.This was the woman that I had dreamed of marrying – the type of personI’d “given up” trying to find in the world. This was the same womanthat upon the FIRST DATE, I KNEW if I was ever to marry, Sherie wasthe woman I was determined to marry.

How could I treat my wife like this? I knew I was not worthy to beher husband, so I tried to destroy her inocence and when that failed,I was determined to shape her into my own degenerate mold. Thank GodI failed.

Although our marriage bed has remained undefiled, my eyescontinually sought other women. I occasionally visited the strip barswith my “friends” but I really liked the porn magazines left lyingaround in peoples apartments, and I spent many hours I should have beenworking as a Maintence Man, pouring over them. I had little respect forthe woman I had agreed to love, cherish and never leave until death.My heart was far from her and the oath I made before God. All thiscaused mistrust, more guilt, and at one point I even asked my wife toleave me so I would be free to do as I wished.

It grieves me to repeat these things, and I don’t wish glory inmy sin, but I want you to understand how I was.

Once she spoke to me about the abuse of my body with drugs, and herstatement that I was abusing her as we were one flesh made a realimpression on me. I tried to reform, and even started reading theBible, but I had no power to live differently.

There came a time in my life in October of 1983 or there about, ofreflection and looking back on all those years. 27 years old seems tostick in my mind as an ideal age. Young and strong, educated and freefrom the hassels of living. I was suppose to be happy, and now that Iwas married three years, also fullfilled and satisified. I had a goodjob, best pay I’ve ever made, nice large apartment, lots of nicethings, but still missing something which I knew was important. Onceagain guilt dominated my life but this guilt was deep in my heart.All that time I’ve wasted, nothing to show for my efforts, no rest orpeace. I felt challenged by one of my brothers and his beliefs about”tongues” and the Charismatics, and decided to look into the Bible formyself to prove him wrong.

At first I liked what I found. This Jesus was indeed a goodteacher. He had a genuine love and desire to do things that I knewwere good but as I read on I discovered He also hated that which wasevil and corrupt. I agreed with everything He said and would havewhole heartily endorsed the Bible, until I read Matthew chapter 5.Starting with verse 27 Jesus says,”You have heard that it was said,’You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you, that everyone wholooks on a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery withher in his heart.” this bothered me. The more I read around thisverse the worse I felt. Verse 21 & 22 says,”You have heard that theancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commitsmurder shall be liable to the court.’ “But I say to you that everyonewho is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; andwhoever shall say to his brother, Raca, ‘shall be guilty before thesupreme court; and whoever shall say, ‘You fool, ‘shall be guiltyenough to go into the fiery hell.

I could feel the guilt grow greater than ever before. It almostfelt like a ball and chain following me everywhere I went. What I hadset out to prove hardly concerned me now, I didn’t like what I wasreading but I knew it was all true; Jesus was right, and I was guilty.

Therefore sought to turn over a new leaf. Pull yourself up byyour bootstraps and change your bad habits. So I got on my knees andasked God to forgive me and said I’d never do these things again, andfurthermore make every effort to live like a married man should. Ismiled, was cheerful to people, and avoided looking at women at allcosts. Trying to look in one direction and walk in another sooner orlater pays its dividens in bumped heads and bruised knees. The painserved as a reminder of my sin. I was being held captive by my ownpast, and any effort to say I wasn’t as bad as the next guy was a lie.

I tuned into a new TV station and watched a science movie. I wascaptivated by the knowledge of the commentator and his factualapproach. But the blow came at the end. He talked about God and howGod made all of us and how we are all sinners. Despite this Icontinued to watch this channel more and more and I realized it was aChristian station. This was good for I thought I was a Christian too.I agreed with everything they said and nothing was said that I hadn’theard before in catechism or the seminary or church.

All those good things were nice but the guilt remained. A latermovie told some of God’s attributes, how He is everywhere at once andcontinually sees the past, present, and future at the same time. Nomatter how many things I did, I couldn’t cover my past and I knew Godwas continually seeing every sin I ever committed. I came to therealization that my situation was hopeless and it didn’t matter how goodI was because God kept reminding me how bad I had been. I also realizedthere is no bargaining with a God Who demands perfection. Everything Icalled mistakes, He called sin, and the Bible bore this out.

To the outsider, my crisis didn’t exist. I kept working diligentlyat my job, had plenty of money and was generally happy. Deep insidethe knowledge that some day I’d stand before God ate away any faith Ihad in myself. Even though I continued to read the Bible not much ofit made much sense, only the part about adultery and murder.

One night I was alone watching Dr. Stanley on T.V. He gave anillustration I’ll never forget. He said we all try to get to heavenone way or another. We pile up everything we have that’s good and hopeit’s good enough to make it. He went on to say, “If you and I were topick up a rock and throw it with all our might towards the North Pole,we may throw it a hundred yards or so, even further than anyone else.But no matter how hard we tried to throw that rock to the North Pole,our best effort would fall far short of the mark we had intended tohit. No matter how many times we tried, the rock would still fallshort, even though we might throw it further than anyone else.” Then hesaid, “Here you are trying to get to heaven. No matter how hard youtry, your best effort has fallen short of the mark. You already knowthat no one can work their way to heaven, for the Bible says that, ‘Forwe are as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthyrags.'” He went on to Rom. 3:23, “for all have sinned and come shortof the glory of God.” It was like this preacher knew all about myproblem and all my efforts. “But to him that worketh not, butbelieveth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted forrighteousness.” I couldn’t believe God could see me as being sinlessbefore Him after all I’d done. I knew there was an eternal price topay for my sin – hell.

I realized why Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth and thelife; no man cometh to the Father, but by Me.” I had to personally askJesus Christ to come into my heart to be my Lord and Saviour. I had togive up any trust or hope in myself or things I had done and place allmy trust in what He did on the cross for me. My efforts had all fallenshort, but Jesus Christ was willing to give me eternal life.

For the first time everything made sense to me – why Jesus had todie on the Cross, Who He really is and who I am in His presense. Inthe middle of my living room, I slid off my rocking chair onto myknees. This time with all of my heart I said to God,

“Lord I’ve blown it. I’ve tried to run my life my own way and I’veblown it. Forgive me for even thinking I could run my own life andcome into my heart and change me. Lord I can’t change myself You’llhave to do it. All of my life, what’s left, it’s Yours. You can doanything with me You want. Make me into the person I’m supposed to be.”

I don’t remember the prayer the preacher prayed. There was no singingnor flash of light, just me… alone….alone asking God to forgive me.

I really didn’t think God wanted anything to do with me at all. Iknew His judgment was true and just and I stood a condemned man beforeHim. But I soon discovered He did keep His Word. Jesus Christ tookaway my desire to sin and replaced it with a desire for His Word, theBible. I had never bought a Bible before, but now I wanted to knoweverything about the Lord I could. I had seldom read at all before,maybe 5 or 6 books in my life but now I even started getting up earlyto read my Bible. I was consumed with reading the Word of God! I couldn’tseem to read enough & fast enough to satisify this desire. I discoveredsomething else – the Bible made sense, it wasn’t a difficult book tounderstand anymore.

As I studied, I understood clearly God’s love for me and why Jesuswas sent into the world. For the first time in my life I knew everythingwas going to be all right, because Jesus paid the full price for my sinswith His own Blood, and He was now my only hope…my personal Saviour.

I realized I couldn’t earn my way to heaven, or trust the church orsacraments anymore. For the first time in my life I had peace, Ididn’t need to guess or hope I had been good enough (I knew I hadn’t),or try to earn God’s favor. Jesus had already done everything for me.I can talk to God and He would answer. I can pray and ask Him for helpand He responds clearly.

God has now blessed Sherie and me with a beautiful baby daughter, aBible teaching local church and an opportunity to serve Him as authorand programmer for the SALVATION ONLINE NETWORK. In this way I can putall the experiences He has given me to good use, with the result of beingactive in reaching the many lost Catholics in the world with the onlyGospel that saves. Please, Pray for us.

We are no more ‘qualified’ than the next guy for the ministry – in fact,there are MANY people much more qualified than we are. God isn’t lookingfor qualifications, degrees, diplomas or dogmatic believers – He’s lookingfor WILLING believers, ready and willing to just try to do the work. Youmay be one of those folks sitting there, wondering, “What can I possibly dofor the Lord? I’m just a housewife, or a laborer, or a fisherman or a taxcollector, or unemployed…” God wants willing servants, just like you folks.It is the transforming power of Jesus Christ that is able to make us intouseful instruments for His service. (2 Cor. 5:17)

How do you get started?

Jesus was all that He claimed He was…God in the flesh. He saidHe would suffer and die for the sins of the world, and then three dayslater bodily rise from the dead. Just think a cold still body comesback to life exactly the way He said He would. Truly Jesus is justwho He said He is…God. You too will meet the same Jesus Christ,either HERE as your Judge willing to pardon, and give you eternallive, or before a Great White Throne when there is no more Grace orpardon for sin. Then it will be too late. There will be no appealsfor mercy, Every mouth will be stopped the Bible says. You will knowwho it is, that will cast you into the lake of fire, from which thereis no return, just eternal torment. You see Death will also be there,eternally dieing in the flames of torment (Revelation 20:15 & 21:8).You will bow your knee everytime the name of Jesus Christ is saidthroughout all eternity.

God controls your every breath, your health, all your wealth, yourlife. The very fact you are reading this today is a gift from God.He knows you don’t deserve to live another moment. He looks and seesall of your past life rittled with sin and unbelief. You may havesought to achieve God’s standard of righteousness, keep the Law ofGod, love your neighbor, etc. all for no gain. The Bible says inJames 2:10 “For ever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in onepoint, he has become guilty of all.” Romans 3:23 says, “for all havesinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 6:23 says, “Forthe wages of sin is death….”, Romans 8:7&8 says, “because the mindset on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subjectitself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so; and thosewho are in the flesh cannot please God.”

Jesus said to Nicodemus (a man sincerely trying to live to pleaseGod), “Truly, Truly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannotsee the kingdom of God.” Jesus clarified it when He said, “That whichis born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit isspirit. Do not marvel that I say to you, ‘You must be born again'” asfound in the Gospel of John 3:3,6&7. This isn’t anything we can dobut only God can do-as found in John 1:13, “who were not born ofblood, nor the will of the flesh, nor the will of man, but of God.”

Knowing God’s way of salvation according to His Word, the Bible,will not save anyone from hell. But receiving God’s gift (can’t beearned), His Son, Jesus Christ, gives you the AUTHORITY, the POWER andthe RIGHT, to become a child of God; as John 1:12 proclaims. There isno other way. Today you can know, your saved from hell, a child of God,on your way to heaven…all on the authority of God’s word. I may nothave seen you sin, But God has seen sin commited and continues to seethem all the time. Do you really think you can hide from God? InJohn 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no mancomes to the Father, but through Me.

The Bible way says you can be free of sin and guilt, and KNOW yourgoing to heaven the moment you die. 1 John 5:13

1 John 4:10 says, “In this love, not that we loved God, but that Heloved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

ADMIT – Admit that you are a sinner, God already has you marked downas one, no sense in denying it. You are a sinner because you have notperfectly kept ALL God’s commandments as Jesus Christ did. It is yourpersonal sin that has separated you from God. Admit you are unable tomeet God’s standards of perfection and you need a Saviour.(Romans 3:10,6:23; James 1:15,2:10; Romans 2:1-3; John 8:24; 1 John 1:8-9)

BELIEVE – Believe that Jesus Christ was punished in your place.Though you deserved to be punished for all eternity for sinning againstGod, Jesus Christ was willingly punished and crucified in YOUR place.It is what Jesus Christ did that satisfies the wrath of God for your sin.Knowing ‘about’ Jesus won’t save you – Knowing Him personally will.(John 3:16-18; Romans 5:8-9; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Hebrews 10:10-14;)

CALL – Call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him to saveyou from the eternity in punishment that awaits every sinner. BecauseJesus Christ is the Son of God, He alone is capable of paying the infiniteprice for you sins – past, present & future. By an act of your will, youmust personally ASK Jesus Christ to save you and surrender your life toHim. God KEEPS His promises, unrepentant sinners are turned in hell,the saved are turned into new creatures that inherit eternity!(Romans 10:13,4:7-8,5:1,8:1; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 2:8-9)

“He is no fool, that gives up that which he cannot keep,to gain that which he cannot lose!”

“Blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven, and whose sinshave been covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not takeinto account” (Rom. 4:7-8)

My Love is nothing, compared to Christ’sBill Bennett