10 Reasons Not To Wash
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
In one parish, the pastor, apparently fed up with all the excuses given over the years as to why people don't go to church, included "Ten Reasons Why I Never Wash" in the next Sunday's bulletin:
1. I was forced to wash as a child.
2. People who wash are hypocrites -- they think they are cleaner than everybody else.
3. There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.
4. I used to wash, but I got bored and stopped.
5. I wash only on special occasions, like Christmas and Easter.
6. None of my friends wash.
7. I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.
8. I can't spare the time.
9. The bathroom is never warm enough in winter or cool enough in summer.
10. People who make soap are only after your money.
Hymns For The Church Of The Low Self-Esteem
All Things Dull and Ugly
Awake, Awake to Drudge and Toil
Come Christians, Mumble, Sing
Come Ye Thankless People Come
Go Tell it By the Fountain
I Think that My Redeemer Lives
Just As I Am I Think I'll Stay
Let Us With An Empty Mind
Lord Dismiss Us, Leave Us Guessing
Mournful, Mournful, We Ignore Thee
O Why Should We be Dealt This Hand
Rock of Ages, Fell on Me
Savior, Like McDonald's Feed Us
Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
The Lord's My Shepherd, But More I Want
The Strife is O'er, We've Come Undone
There's a Smell in the Air
This is Great Grandma's Pew
Watchman, Please Turn Off that Light
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
Wherever He Leads It's Too Far
We Slipped and Fell Down Jacob's Ladder
We Gather Together Now Don't You Come Join Us
Top Ten Reasons Not To Join The Choir
10. Your running out of clean clothes and the choir robes save on laundry.
9. You've just been selected for jury duty and want to get used to sitting with a group of people.
8. Your church is so full you want to ensure that you always have a seat.
7. The collection plate is never passed to the choir.
6. There's a clock at the back of the sanctuary and you want to be the first to know when it's 12:00.
5. The preacher is new and you want to be close by in case he says something heretical.
4. For years you've wanted to know who sits in the back pews but were always afraid to turn around.
3. You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the preacher to catch you.
2. The chairs in the choir are the most comfortable in the sanctuary.
1. Your favorite movie is Sister Act!
Have A Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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