Quote from Forum Archives on June 1, 2007, 9:47 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"A Little Girl Wants To Go"

 

 

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

 

"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"

 

"No" her mother replied.

 

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

 

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

 

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

 

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

 

"Yes" the little girl replied.

 

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

 

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."

 

"Little Johnny"

 

 

Little Johnny was left to fix lunch.  When his mother 
returned  with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had 
already strained the tea. So the two women sipped their 
tea happily while having lunch and chit-chatted.

Afterwards, when her friend had left, Little Johnny's 
mother talked to him.

"Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" 
his mother asked.

 

"Ma, I couldn't find it, so I used the fly swatter." 
 replied Johnny.

 

His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added, 
"Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!"

 

"New Baby Sister"

 

 

Used to being the center of attention, Junior was a little
more than jealous of his new baby sister.

 

The parents sat him down and said that now that she was
getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.

 

"It's no use." Junior said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."

 

"What The Teacher Says"

 

 

What the teacher says and (what the teacher means)

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).

 

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).

 

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).

 

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).

 

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).

 

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).

 

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).

 

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).

 

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).

 

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).

 

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).

 

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).

 

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome! (A mouth that never stops yacking).

 

Have a Blessed Weekend

Dave and Barbara

 

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