A Waste Of Time

#1 · July 26, 2002, 4:00 am

Quote from Forum Archives on July 26, 2002, 4:00 am
Posted by: root <root@...>

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A Waste Of Time
============

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital
where his teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he
gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man.

"He don't know nothing now."

You're in California when

You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will
take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You're in New York when

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle
to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes
you multilingual.
You've worn out at least one car horn.
You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when

You have more than one recipe for moose.
You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup
Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You're in Colorado when

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home and he stops at the
day care.
A pass does not involve a football or dating.
The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
Your bridal registry is at REI.

You're in the South when

You get a movie and bait in the same store.
"Y'all" is singular and "all o' y'all" is plural.
After 10 years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are yuh?"
"He needed killin'" is a valid defense.

You're in the Midwest when

You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different."
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Posted by: root <root@...>

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

A Waste Of Time
============

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital
where his teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he
gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man.

"He don't know nothing now."

You're in California when

You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will
take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You're in New York when

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle
to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes
you multilingual.
You've worn out at least one car horn.
You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when

You have more than one recipe for moose.
You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup
Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You're in Colorado when

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home and he stops at the
day care.
A pass does not involve a football or dating.
The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
Your bridal registry is at REI.

You're in the South when

You get a movie and bait in the same store.
"Y'all" is singular and "all o' y'all" is plural.
After 10 years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are yuh?"
"He needed killin'" is a valid defense.

You're in the Midwest when

You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different."
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Version: GnuPG v1.0.6 (GNU/Linux)
Comment: For info see http://www.gnupg.org

iEYEARECAAYFAj1BAbMACgkQOeeLItJQlISzGACfaE7HsBHd70wHAT3GVyerJhkB
WQ4AoI4aoFVAKgBL++kXmsJtGq1c+jWq
=ojyn
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