Quote from Forum Archives on July 8, 2004, 5:24 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . . ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store.  Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks.  I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT:  Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT:  Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer.  I want to buy one. ABBOTT:  Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT:  What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why?  Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT:  Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know.  What will I see when I look in the windows? ABBOTT:  Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.  I need a computer and software. ABBOTT:  Software for Windows? COSTELLO: No.  On the computer!  I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.  What have you got? ABBOTT:  Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office.  Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT:  I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT:  Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT:  Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT:  Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT:  Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT:  I recommend Office with Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!  OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need? ABBOTT:  Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT:  Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT:  The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT:  The Word you get when you click the blue "W". COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.  OK, forget that.  Can I watch movies on the Internet? ABBOTT:  Yes, you want Real One. COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.  What I watch is none of your business.   Just tell me what I need! ABBOTT:  Real One. COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4.  Can I watch them? ABBOTT:  Of course. COSTELLO: Great!  With what? ABBOTT:  Real One. COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.  What do I do? ABBOTT:  You click the blue "1". COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? ABBOTT:  The blue "1". COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w? ABBOTT:  The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT:  The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"! ABBOTT:  No, just one.  But it's the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT:  Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.  It Pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. COSTELLO: And that word is real one? ABBOTT:  Real One has nothing to do with Word.  Real One isn't even part of Office. COSTELLO: STOP!  Don't start that again.  What about financial bookkeeping?  You have anything I can track my money with? ABBOTT:  Money. COSTELLO: That's right.  What do you have? ABBOTT:  Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT:  It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? ABBOTT:  Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT:  Yes.  No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?  How much? ABBOTT:  One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT:  Microsoft gave us a license to copy money. COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT:  Why not?  THEY OWN IT!   A FEW DAYS LATER . . .   ABBOTT:  Super Duper computer store.  Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT:  Click on "START".     Wrong E-Mail Address     A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.  Due to hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.  So, the husband left Minnesota & flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife scheduled to fly flying down the following day.   He checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he sent an e-mail to his wife.  However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.   Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.   He had been a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack.   The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages of condolence from relatives & friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.  Her son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, saw the computer screen which read:   To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: 16 January 2004   I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now; and & we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones.   I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!   Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.  P.S. Sure is hot down here!               "Top Ten Reasons You Should Tithe"   10. Your church started a new stewardship drive -- every time you give, your chances of winning increase! 9. The choir has started wearing their bathrobes during the service. 8. The last few Sunday's the Treasurer has gotten up half way through the service and turned the heat off. 7. The Preacher has worn the same suit every Sunday for the past three years. 6. The Deacons are starting to drool and growl as they collect the offering! 5. The offering plates have been sold and replaced with ice cream buckets. 4. The Treasurer has started wearing sackcloth and ashes! 3. You tried to call the Church Office last week but found that the phone's been disconnected! 2. Parking meters had to be installed in the church parking lot. 1. As a Christian you understand the privilege it is to have a partnership in the Gospel! Have a Blessed Day Dave and Barbara Necessary Legal Information I do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from me it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than me, has forwarded it to you.       Normal Subscribe: clean-hewmor-subscribe@welovegod.org       Normal Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-unsubscribe@welovegod.org               Web Subscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-subscribe@welovegod.org       Web Unsubscribe: clean-hewmor-allow-unsubscribe@welovegod.org               Email Group Owner: clean-hewmor-owner@welovegod.org

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