ANSWERING MACHINE
Posted by: <@...>
VERIFIED BY THE WORLD FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE
OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS
(The names have been changed to protect the innocent)
1. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
2. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we
probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my
financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are
my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I
have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you
can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave
a job offer, I'll call sooner.
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with
one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub,
and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their
office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me,
leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name,
your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about
returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.