Answering Machine Transcript
Quote from Forum Archives on April 19, 1999, 7:40 amPosted by: tz8cy5 <tz8cy5@...>
Answering Machine TranscriptA transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the
Mental Health Institute."Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press
no one will answer.If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a
representative comes on the line.If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press
000.If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too
busy to talk to you.
Posted by: tz8cy5 <tz8cy5@...>
A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the
Mental Health Institute.
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press
no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a
representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press
000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too
busy to talk to you.