"Anyone For Golf?"
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew
tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
I've spent most of my life golfing. the rest I've
just wasted.
They call it golf because all the other four-letter
words were taken.
Golf is played by twenty million mature American
men whose wives think they are out having fun.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand
hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf
course.
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six,
and write down five
Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner,
and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
The only time my prayers are never answered is
on the golf course.
of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably
come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking
up the wrong golf ball.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls
while they are still rolling.
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a
ball with implements ill-adapted for the purpose.
Gone golfin' ... be back about dark thirty.
The difference in golf and government is that in
golf you can't improve your lie.
DOUBLE BOGEY: 'Casablanca' followed by 'African Queen.'
FAIRWAY: Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
GOOD LIE: Weight on their driver's license.
GREENS: Lunch we eat when we'd rather have a cheeseburger.
HOLE-IN-ONE: Time to get new pantyhose.
IRON: What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
SHAFT: You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing.
SLICE: 'No thanks. Just a sliver.'
WATER HAZARD: Giving the kids too much to drink before a
road trip.
he was going to prove that there was not a God. He said, "God if you are
real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15
minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,saying, "Here I am God, I'm still
waiting"
He got down to the last couple of minutes and a BIG... 285 pound football
player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said.
The football player walked in the classroom and in the last minute, he walked
up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.
The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from,
and why did you do that?" The football player replied, "God was busy; He
sent me!"
Life is good.
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