Atheist Holiday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate.
The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.
The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said "Case dismissed!"
The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said "Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews--why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah.....and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"
The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said "Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!"
The ACLU lawyer pompously said "We are aware of no such holiday for atheists--just when might that be?"
The judge said "Well it comes every year at the same time---April 1st"
"The fool hath said in his heart there is no God."
(Psalm 14:1)
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*** Ten Signs of a Frustrated Mother ***
1. Your children know how to read HTML code but can't operate a vacuum cleaner.
2. Your children tell you that you said "yes" and you don't even remember the question.
3. You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
4. Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of "stop that!" or "no!"
5. You can't remember the last time you didn't have to share your drink.
6. You mistakenly tell the kids it's "sanity" time when you meant to say "bed" time.
7. The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it's out to get you.
8. You dread hearing the phone ring because it's a sure sign there's about to be trouble amongst the children.
9. It's finally your turn on the computer and "Touched by an Angel" is just coming on.
10. You go to sleep with "I'm bored" or "I'm hungry" still ringing in your ears.
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*** Brewster The Rooster ***
Zebediah was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
Zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of Zeb's time, so he got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so that Zeb could tell, from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
Zeb's favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning, Zeb noticed that Brewster's bell had not rung at all, so he went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But, to Zeb's amazement, Brewster had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Zeb was so proud of Brewster that he entered him in the county fair. Brewster was an overnight sensation. The judges not only awarded him the No Bell Piece Prize but also the Pullet surprise!
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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