Quote from Forum Archives on July 18, 2004, 7:56 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

We want to thank everyone for their prayers and we ask that you keep Niki in prayer. Tomorrow we hope to have an update with some good news to show how God is answering all the prayers being sent up for Niki.

 

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Baptist Airlines Inc. 

 

If you are traveling soon, consider Baptist Air, the no-frills

airline. You're all in the same boat on Baptist  Air, where

flying is an uplifting experience. There is no First Class on

any Baptist  Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6,

bring rolls, 7-15 bring a salad, 16-21 a main dish, and 22-30

a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the

aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

 

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land

until the budget is met.

 

Pay attention to your flight attendant Stephen, who will acquaint you

with the safety system aboard this Baptist  Air 599 Okay

then, listen up: I'm only gonna say this once. In the event of

a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be

real surprised and so will Captain Dave because we fly right

around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably

indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and

I wouldn't bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes.

 

You're gonna have bigger things to worry about than that.

Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the

masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest

with you, we're going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet ...

sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a while

you get used to it.

 

In the event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying

the Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to the part about

forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us,

which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't

right, but what can you do?

 

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not

because they may interfere with the plane's navigational

system, which is seat of the pants all the way ... no, it's

because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo and if God meant

you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mouth on

the side of your head.

 

We're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet

style with the coffee pot up front. Then we'll have the

hymn sing ... hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you.

Don't take yours with you when you go or I am going to

be real upset and I am not kidding! Right now I'll say Grace ..

"God is Great and God is Good and we thank Him for the

food; Father, Son and Holy Ghost, may we land in Sarnia

or at least pretty close. Amen."

 

 

Airline PA System  

 

Ten Things You *Don't* Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A.
System........

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted
to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as
floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If
you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive
an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the
local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new
commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!!
Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have
to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....

7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the
reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more
efficiently now.

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal
driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).

9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot
different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some
leeway...

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades
and watched the in-flight movie.

 

 

Speeding  

 

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who
was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man
began "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let
you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But officer, I just wanted to say..."

"I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked n on his prisoner
and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his
daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he
gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."

 

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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