Bible Jokes
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Q: Where is the first example of cannibalism in the bible?
A: Two Kings Ate One!
Q: Who is the shortest person in the Bible?
A: Bildad the Shuhite! . . . or . . .
A: Knee High Miah! . . . or . . .
A: Peter (when he slept on his watch) . . . or . . .
A: Jesus (when He spoke on a mustard seed)
Q: Who is the largest woman in the bible?
A: The woman of Some area (Samaria Jn 4)
Q: How do we know Moses was constipated?
A: He was told to go up a mountain and take two tablets.
Q: What is the first recorded case of constipation?
A: It's in Kings, where it says that David sat on the Throne for forty years.
Q: Which bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun.
Q: Who is the first man in the bible?
A: Chap 1.
Q: Who was the straightest man in Genesis?
A: Joseph - because he was a ruler.
Q: What was the first state mentioned in the Bible?
A: Arkansas - because Noah looked out of the ark and saw..
Did you know that they played tennis in ancient Egypt?
They must have, because Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Did you know that the apostles did pub crawls on their journeys?
'They stopped off at the Three Taverns and took Courage'.(Acts 28v15 RSV)
Did you know that they had motorbikes in the bible?
Joshua's triumph was heard throughout the land.
Did you know that the apostles drove a Honda?
In Acts is says they were all in one Accord.
Did you know that they had baseball in the bible?
'In the Big Inning'.
Did you know that pharaoh's sister was an excellent financier?
She took a little prophet from the bullrushes.
Also Noah was a nimble cash manager.
He floated his assets while the world was in liquidation.
Did you know that Jesus had an automobile?
He drove them from the temple in a Fury!
Did you know God was a helicopter pilot?
"...and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." Gen 1:2 NIV
Q: How do we know Moses wore a wig?
A: Sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes he wasn't!
Q: When was the first mention of a cigarette in the bible?
A: "And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel." (Gen 24:64 Gen 24:64)
Q: Are there any women in Heaven?
Q: Are there any preachers in Heaven?
A:"....there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour." (Rev 8:1)
Q: Why could Jonah be eaten by the big fish?
A: He was one of the "minor prophets"!
Q: When is the first ice cream mentioned in the Bible?
A: Walls of Jericho!
Telephone Pole
The Sunday School teacher had just explained about Lot's wife. You know, how Lot and his wife were leaving the city when it was being destroyed, and they were told not to look behind them, but Lot's wife did and she turned into a pillar of salt.One of the students looked up at that point. "Wow, something just like that happened to my Mom when she was driving down Main Street last week!
Only when she looked behind her, she turned into a telephone pole."
Speeding Ticket
A minister was forced to pull over and stop for speeding by a traffic cop,
As the cop was about to write the ticket, the minister said to him,
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."
The cop handed the minister the ticket and said, "Go thou and sin no more."
Have A Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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