Biblical Baseball Tuesday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
Baseball was a well-established sport even in biblical times.:
Genesis 1:1 ... "In the big inning"
Genesis 24: ... 15,16 "Rebekah went to the well with a pitcher"
Numbers 11:32 ... "ten homers"
Second Kings 25:16 ... "and the bases which Solomon had made"
Psalms 19:12 ... "Who can understand his errors?"
Psalms 26:1 ... "1 have trusted, therefore, I shall not slide."
Jeremiah 15:7 ... "And I will fan them"
Ezekiel 36:12 ... "Yea, I will cause men to walk"
Luke 17:17 ... "but where are the nine?"
Galatians 5:7 ... "Ye did run well"
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
Trespassers will be baptized!
"No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
"Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."
"How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Nonsmoking?"
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God
allows U-turns."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" (U R)
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
"Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep.
Talk to the Shepherd."
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