Quote from Forum Archives on May 12, 2005, 11:38 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Children and the Church"

 

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service,
 his  cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
 "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had
 an answer so quickly.
 "How do you know that?"
 "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up
 like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
 announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister
 when I grow up."

 

 "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"

 

 "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday
 anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to
sit  down  and listen."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write sermon. "How do
 you know what to say?" he asked.

 

 "Why, God tells me."

 

 "Oh, then, why do you keep crossing things out?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged
on  and  on.
 Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,  "Mommy,
if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 After the christening of his baby brother in church, little
Tommy  sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father
 asked  him three times what was wrong.

 

 Finally the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought
 up in a Christian home and I wanted to stay with you guys."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 Lisa asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their
 favorite  Bible stories. She was puzzled by Jimmy's picture, which showed
 four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant
 to represent. He replied, "The flight to Egypt."

 

 Pointing at each figure, Ms. Lisa said, "That must be Mary,
Joseph,  and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"

 

 "Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 A college drama group presented a play in which one character
 would  stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!"

 

 A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would
 spring,  and the actor would drop from view.

 

 The play was well received. When the actor playing the part
 became  ill, another actor (quite overweight) took his place.

 

 When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!", the
 stagehand pulled the rope, the actor began his plunge, and became
 hopelessly  stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.

 

 One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled, "Hallelujah!
 Hell is  full!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First
 Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety
seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit
still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over
 and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to
 lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again.'
 It worked."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read
her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off
the book and  reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately
 stroking her own  cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up,
 "Grandpa, did God make you?"

 

 "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

 

 "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"

 

 "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while
 ago."

 

 Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's
 getting better at it, isn't he?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

"Children's Letters To God"

 

 
Dear God, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that OK?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you?" Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give You anything You want except my money or my chess set.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha Ha.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
  

Dear God, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 

Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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