Choose Your Weapon
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose,
black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad
fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked
his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel.
And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
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*~* Come Straight Home *~*
The teacher smiled at her Sunday school group and exclaimed, "All right, class, all those who want to go to Heaven raise your hands." Everybody in the class had a hand raised, except one boy.
"Don't you want to go to Heaven?" asked the teacher.
"I can't ma'am. My mom wants me to come straight home."
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*~* Dictionary for the Church *~*
BULLETIN:
1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending church.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip sync.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Service, often sung a little more quietly, since some of the people have already left.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER:
1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in most churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Service, consisting of priests/ministers, the choir and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Service - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
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Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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