Quote from Forum Archives on December 18, 2006, 5:28 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Christmas Gifts for Men"

 

 

Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas for
those special men in your life! Buying gifts for men is not nearly as
complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have
no problems.

 

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain.
As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

 

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey
George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through
with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

 

Rule#3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A
99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from
his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

 

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he
wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

 

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they
have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV
with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips,
and flips, and flips.

 

Rule #6: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within
a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks.
Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows
why.

 

Rule#7: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on
the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left
over.

 

Rule#8: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr
Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.
(NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's
stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA
Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68
Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

 

Rule #9: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell
him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a
hamburger?"

 

Rule #10: Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will
not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
everyone knows why.

 

Rule #11: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #6 and what
happens when he gets a label maker.

 

Rule #12: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an
extension ladder. No one knows why.

 

Rule #13: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins,
or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of
3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.

 

"Top 10 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus on Christmas"

 

 

10. Instead of milk and cookies leave Santa a Weight Watchers bar and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds!

 

9. While Santa’s in the house... go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket!

 

8. While Santa’s in the house... replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to fly!

 

7. Keep a bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big fat Santa suit!!

 

6. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wants to remind him to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home.

 

5. Take everything out of your house as if it has just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well, well… They always return to the scene of the crime"

 

4. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute corrections.

 

3. Leave out a Santa suit with a dry-cleaning bill.

 

2. Instead of Christmas ornaments decorate your tree with pumpkins!

 

1. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa Claus to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us buddy!!"

 

 

"The Perfect Tree"

 

 
Searching through row upon row of Christmas trees, my husband Norm and I
finally picked one we liked. Then I noticed the one being held by a
woman nearby; "the" perfect tree. But, it was in her hands, not mine!

 

I watched as she carried it around the lot and couldn't
believe my eyes when she set it aside.

 

I ditched ours and ran over to grab the coveted tree.

 

"Aren't we lucky?" I said to Norm. "I do feel a little
guilty, though, for taking it before she could change her
mind. hee hee"

 

"Don't worry..." he replied.

 

"She just ran over and snatched ours."

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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