Quote from Forum Archives on December 10, 2006, 11:55 am

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Christmas Oops"

 

    

Last Christmas, grandpa was feeling his age, and found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So he decided to send checks to everyone instead.
In each card he wrote, "Buy your own present!" and mailed them early.

 

He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was only after the holiday that he noticed that he had receiving very few cards in return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study, intending to write a couple of his relatives and ask what had happened. It was then, as he cleared off his cluttered desk that he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified to find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose with the cards.

 

"Bubba Claus and Santa Claus"

 

 

 

Bubba Claus and Santa Claus, There Are Differences Such
As:

 

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and
Wesson."

 

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on
the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a
little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

 

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon
dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him
a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

 

4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt Jr. , on Andretti, on Elliott, and Petty."

 

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And
you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

 

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh
does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the
words "Back Off."

 

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

 

And Finally,

 

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make
sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he
bends over to put presents under the tree.

"Christmas Prayers"

 

 

A few days before Christmas, two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparent's house. When it was time to go to bed, and anxious to do the right thing, they both knelt down to say their prayers.

 

Suddenly, the younger one began to do so in a very loud voice.

 

"Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a play-station, a mountain-bike and a telescope."

 

His older brother leaned over and nudged his brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

 

"I know" he replied, "But Grandma is!"
 

"Recipe For A Merry Christmas"

 

           

 

Take the crisp cold of a December night, add two generous parts of snow, stir in air so clear it tinkles.
Into a generous heart, mix thewonder of a little girl, the sparkle of a young boy’s glance, the love of parents, and set gently before the chimney side. Add the lightest touch of a reindeer’s hooves, a sprig of holly, a scent of fir. Set the mixture to rise in the warmth of a dream of good will to men. It will be  almost ready to serve when it bubbles with warmth and good feeling. Bedeck with the light of a star set in the East, garnish with shining balls of gold, silver, and red. Serve to the tune of an ancient carol in the middle of the family table.

 

Have a Blessed Day

Dave and Barbara

 

 

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