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Church Bulletin Bloopers Monday

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#1 · September 17, 2006, 5:03 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"Church Bulletin Bloopers"
 
 
Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
 
If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose
a check and drip in the collection basket.
 
Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.
 
Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."
 
Newsletter! s are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
 
Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
 
The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral.
 
The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church
board.
 
As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof
outing.
 
Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
 
Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
 
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
 
For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to
the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
 
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
 
Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather.
 
Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
 
The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working...
 
Song Lyrics: What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and briefs to bear.
 
Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across the street: Safeway
saves you more!
 
For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the children in school). When their meeting was cancelled one week: There will be no Moms who care this week.
 
This one I said myself during the congregational prayer when
leading prayer for our unsaved loved ones: Father, we just want to
pray for our unloved saved ones.
 
A woman's blouse was found at a table in the middle of the servant
appreciation dinner. If you lost your blouse, please come to the
church office.
 
Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held at 8 pm in the large room.
 
The ladies in the style show will meet with their dresses down in
front after morning worship.
 
A worm welcome to all who have come today.
 
Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford"
 
Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
 
Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
 
Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
 
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
 
For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the
dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
 
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
 
Please remember those who are shut-in during bath weather.
 
We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
 
May God give us increasing hunger for the Blob.
 
Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows
 
Child care provided with reservations.
 
Tonight, Pastor will preach on "Diving Healing."
 
Janet Smith has volunteered to strip, and refinish the communion
table in the sanctuary.
 
Were you there when they laid Him in the bomb?
 
Christ is a member of Boy Scout Troop 36.
 
Please come...you will be gald you did.
 
Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat.
 
My joke is easy and my burden is light.
 
I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you
gave me drink.
 
We are an autonomous body, opearting under the hardship of Jesus Christ.
 
The Honeymooners are now having bile studies each Tuesday evening
at 7:30 p.m.
 
Hymn of Invitation: "Whoever He Leads I'll Go"
 
The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.
 
Pray for continual growth in the lives of many of our teens--that a
food foundation will be laid in their lives.
 
Boars of Trustees
 
We are always happy to have you sue our facility.
 
I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even
though he diets, yet shall be live.
 
Hymn: I Need Three Every Hour
 
All children are requested to bring fresh followers to decorate the
cross for Easter Sunday.
 
The King's Bras will present a concert at our church this evening at 6.
 
Women in the Word starts next week. There are several different
studies to choose from. Ladies, make sure you sign up for a stud
before next week.
 
This week's sermon: "When is Sex Not Enough?"
Opening Hymn: "I Need Thee Every Hour"
 
 
"The Year 1935"
 
 
A little boy asked his grandmother what year she was born.
 
She told him she was born in 1935.
 
"Wow!" the boy exclaimed. "If you were a baseball card, you'd be worth lots of money.
 
 
Potholes
 
        
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and
alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.The older of the two, a five year old lad,
grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.
 
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.  "Why on earth did you do that to your little
 brother?!" she asks as she shook the older boy in anger. 
 
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.
 "And I was just baptizing him.....in  the name of the Father, the Son
 and in...the hole-he-goes."
 
 
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
 
 
Necessary Legal Information
 
We do not mail clean-hewmor unsolicited. If you are receiving this newsletter from us it's because you have subscribed to this mailing list. If you receive this newsletter and are not a subscriber then someone, other than us, has forwarded it to you.
 
 
 
 

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