Church Security - Special Bulletin!
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
There is now intelligence that has uncovered a new wave of church
terrorists sent out to replace those captured yesterday. These new
terrorist are believed to be brothers of those taken on Monday,
October 22, 2001. Intelligence believes the brothers names are; Bin
Gossip, Bin Critical, Bin Absent and Bin Sour. The fear is, they are
already in place in many area churches. Intelligence also fears that
there is ever more brothers in this wicked family just waiting for
orders to invade.
Since our first report we have been notified by a number of CHURCH
BOARD'S that they have identified four additional suspected
terrorists working in different churches. Three of the four have been
apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin and Bin Drinkin have been taken
into custody. The Associate Pastor advised us that it is very
difficult to find anyone fitting the description of the fourth cell
member: Bin Workin, in most churches. However, he is confident that
anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.
Stayed tuned for more updates from; CHURCH SECURITY...
For Father's Day each father present was given a pine tree or apple
tree seedling to be planted along with his children.
Please be in prayer for Jim and Judy, their baby daughter was born 9
months premature.
The Women's Missionary Union will meet the first yesterday in January.
The Rev. Dr. Albert Jones, our featured speaker for the breakfast,
also blessed and blessed and blessed and blessed the meal.
Women on Missions (WOMS) will meet Thursday at noon. Childhood will
be provided in the nursery.
The scholarship committee is accepting applications for church
members attending a Baptist affiliated college this fall.
Applications and guidelines are available in the vestibule. The
Appalachians should be submitted by July 1st.
We will vote on six new deacons next Sunday. The following ordained
men have agreed to serve if elated.
Dr. Grimes was the featured speaker for the Seniors Group. He noted
that you can often avoid those usual winter colds if you avoid
fatigue, loss of sleep and over-creating.
You're invited to join the Sunset Club, our church seniors group.
Activities include community singing, dancing, dramatic efforts, and
table games. The group is composed solely of participanting members.
Members of the Senior's Breakfast Club stretched and strained
Thursday morning as Swan Johnson, local physical therapist,
demonstrated several exercises during the club meeting. There will
be no meeting next week.
The bride-elect was showered with pieces of her chosen china.
The Halloween Alternative Festival will be from 6:00 p.m. to 9:30
Thursday. No costumes will be permitted.
Please take note that the item in last weeks newsletter about the
Halloween Alternative Festival should have read, "No scary or
frightening costumes will be permitted."
The singles group will be participating in the Relay for Life next
Friday to raise money for cancer research. The walk starts at 7:00
p.m. with the luminary at 9:30. Walkers please remember to bring a
pair of heavy rocks and comfortable walking shoes.
Remember the annual spring cleaning of the Singles Ministry Building
this Saturday. We need lots of singles to volunteer for the work
crew. We have a long list of items to be cleaned. The widows need
extra attention.
It was one of the worst days of my life: The washing machine broke
down, the telephone kept ringing, my head ached, and the mail carrier
brought a bill I had no money to pay.
Almost to the breaking point, I lifted my one-year-old into his high
chair, leaned my head against the tray, and began to cry.
Without a word, my son took his pacifier out of his mouth, and stuck
it in mine
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