Quote from Forum Archives on June 2, 2005, 7:46 pm

Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>

"College Cure"

 

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"

 

"Two days ago."

 

"Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"

 

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."

 

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"

 

"He's taking every penny I make."

 

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"

 

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

 

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"

 

"Sure has!  It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"The Redneck's Family Tree"

 

 

Many many years ago when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.

 

This widow had a daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.

 

This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.

 

To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.

 

My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad.
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.

 

For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.

 

Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.

 

My wife is now my mother's mom and it surely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, she is my grandma too.

 

If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.

 

For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Dispatch Message”

 

One night at McChord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence where an alarm had gone off. The fence was at the end of the base runway.

 

When I got to the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran around and flapped my arms to scare the animal away.

 

Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over the public-address system and announced loudly,

 

"Attention to the airman at the end of the runway. You are now cleared for takeoff."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.

 

 

Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara

 

 

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