Conspiracy! We Must Stop This!!
Posted by: root <root@...>
Hash: SHA1
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything
seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are
heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young
ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up
they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip
reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.
On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am.
I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she
didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I
was combing my hair this
morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection......Well,
REALLY NOW......even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and
limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I
can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them
screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would
they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they
think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist,
hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in
reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that
dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these
people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on --
but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed
the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number
in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to
suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN
GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something
has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
Help
=======
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten
students put his boots on?
He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing,
the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had
worked up a sweat.
She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the
wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the
boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as
together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right
feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't
you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull
the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to
wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
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