Cowboy's Ten Commandments Wednesday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
(2) Honor yer Ma &Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) It yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothing' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
cauliflower and spinach, with green and yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben
and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said: "You
want hot fudge with that?" And Man said: "Yes!" And
Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman
went from size 2 to size 14.
So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad."
And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing
and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables
and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp,
butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak
so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol
went through the roof.
and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats,
adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on
more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children
might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And
Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering
light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging suits.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!
And Satan said: " It is good." And Man and Woman went
into cardiac arrest.
God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
Satan chuckled and created HMOs.
What a great blast from the past! I haven't thought about fender skirts
in years. When I was a kid, I considered it such a funny term. Made me
think of a car in a dress. Thinking about fender skirts started me
thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with
hardly a notice.
Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs." Since I'd been thinking of
cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will
probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of
these terms to you.
Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and spare
tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln
Continental.
When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point "parking
brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with
"emergency brake."
I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the
accelerator the "foot feed."
Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore-"store-bought."
Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was
bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.
"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and
now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "worldwide" for granted.
This floors me.
On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our homes.
In the '50s, everyone covered their hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting!
Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors.
Go figure.
When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family way?" It's
hard to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once considered a little
too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had
all that talk about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply
expecting."
Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other
day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just "bra" now. "Unmentionables"
probably wouldn't be understood at all.
It's hard to recall that this word was once said in a whisper-"divorce."
And no one is called a "divorcee" anymore. Certainly not a "gay divorcee."
Come to think of it, "confirmed bachelors" and "career girls" are long gone, too.
Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word I
came across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!
Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word to say.
And what was it replaced with? "Coffeemaker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I
blame you for this.
I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern
and now sound so retro. Words like DynaFlow" and "ElectraLuxe."
Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"
Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody
complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I
never hear mothers threatening their kids with castor oil anymore.
Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The
one that grieves me most - "supper." Now everybody says "dinner". Save a
great word. Invite someone to "supper. Discuss fender skirts.
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