"Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas ?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
annoyance.
"Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell you to
come downstairs quietly?
Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
"That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always
come down stairs like that."
"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
safety
lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some supposedly "real"
examples that have been heard or reported:
As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat
backs are
fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
ways out of this airplane..."
Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an
emergency
water landing, please take them with our compliments."
We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a
member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the
airplane."
Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in
the
lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and
the
birds are
singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining.
Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going
to
switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
please
stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if
you
walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.
We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed
taking you for a ride."
As the passengers waited just off the runway for another airliner to
cross in
front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage
from the
overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom,
"This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that
monitors the
cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until
the
aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be
strip-searched as
they leave the aircraft.
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA
Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure,
oxygen
masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your
own
mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like
children."
As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry...Unfortunately none of them is on this flight!"
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