DIETING ACCORDING TO THE GOSPEL !!!
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair. And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts, and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Cracker Barrel. so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control, so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Satan."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasties, and stints.... And Satan created HMO's.
**********************************************************
*** Forgetfulness ***
While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant
for
lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but
didn't miss them until they were back on the highway.
By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a
place to turn around. The old man fussed and complained all the way
back to the restaurant.
When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to
retrieve her glasses, the old man said,
"While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."
*********************************************************************
*** Divorce Court ***
Harry and Molly had been married for many years but
now were in divorce court.
The judge asked, "Harry, is it true that the last
three years of your marriage, you did not speak to
Molly?"
Harry replies, "Yes Judge, that is correct."
"And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the
judge inquires.
Harry replies, "I didn't want to interrupt her Your Honor."
**********************************************************************
*** An Abstract Noun ***
An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of,
but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"
Sure," Little Johnny replied. "My father's new car."
Have a Blesed Day
Dave and Barbara
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