Does Anybody Know What Time It Is?
Posted by: clean-hewmor <clean-hewmor@...>
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his
destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere
quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet
place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No
sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window.
He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Yes?"
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"
The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."
The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just
dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25!"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by
and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him.
To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window
saying, "I do not know the time!"
Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was
another knock on the window.
"Sir? It's 8:45."
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The Dead Mule
A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead
mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be
any foul play, the police referred the Preacher to the health department.
They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation
department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization
from the mayor.
Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not too eager to call him. The mayor had
a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the Preacher called him
anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant & rave at the pastor
and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the
dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his
response. However, he said, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I
always like to notify the next of kin first!"
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The Golfing Preacher
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he
could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, no clouds
in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary
as to what to do ... play golf or give the Sunday service. Shortly, the urge to
play golf overcame him. He called an assistant, told him he was sick and asked
the assistant to take care of the Sunday church service for him. He packed the
car up and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him.
Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed.
He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what
he is doing." God nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball and hit a perfect
drive, straight as an arrow, four-hundred yards right to the green, where it
gently rolled into the cup (as they say in basketball, "nothing but net"). A
picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your
pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
God smiled. "I did. Think about it - who can he tell?"
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Engineering Position
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in
Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants having the
same qualifications, the department manager asked them to take a test to
determine who would get the job.
Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The
manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided
to give the job to the American."
The Irishman replied, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions
correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I think I should get the job!"
The manager replied, "We have made our decision based not on the number of
correct answers, but on the question you missed."
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
"Simple. The American put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down,
'Neither do I.'"
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U.S. Army Official Voice Mail Message
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Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in
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Top 10 Reasons Eve was Created
10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he
would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the
TV remote.
8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when
his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist or haircut
appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the
garbage on the curb.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to
handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught
him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve...
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head
and said, "I can do better than that."