Dog Training
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
There was this man who had a dog which he was attempting to train, but alas had very little success. He was on the verge of despair when he happened across a very charismatic American evangelist. He unburdened his soul to the American, who promptly informed him to leave the dog with him, and he would have it trained in a jiffy.
The next day the man returns, and asks how the evangelist got on. The reply was positive, and the evangelist calls the dog to give a demonstration. Picking up a stick, he throws it and says, "Fetch." Instantly the dog takes off, grabs the stick and returns.
The evangelist says, "Drop" and the dog drops the stick at his feet.
"Roll over," and the dog rolls over. By this time the dog's owner is very excited, and asks if he can have a go. "Sure," replies the evangelist.
"Heel!" says the owner and the dog lifts one paw, places it on the man's forehead and says, "I command this sickness to leave you..."
Eleven Step Guide to
Being Handy Around the House
If you can't find a screwdriver,
use a knife.
If you break off the tip,
it's an improved screwdriver.
-
Try to work alone.
An audience is rarely any help.
-
Despite what you may have
been told by your mother,
praying and cursing are both
helpful in home repair ...
but only if you are working alone.
-
Work in the kitchen
whenever you can ...
many fine tools are there,
its warm and dry, and you
are close to the refrigerator.
-
If it's electronic, get a new one ...
or consult a twelve-year-old.
-
Stay simple minded:
Get a new battery; replace the bulb
or fuse; see if the tank
is empty; try turning it to the
"on" switch; or just paint over it.
-
Always take credit for miracles.
If you dropped the
alarm clock while taking
it apart and it suddenly
starts working, you have healed it.
-
Regardless of what people say,
kicking, pounding, and
throwing sometimes DOES help.
-
If something looks level,
it is level.
-
If at first you don't succeed,
redefine success.
-
Above all, if what you've done
is stupid, but it works,
then it isn't stupid.
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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