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Dollars
#1 · October 6, 2003, 9:54 am
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
*** Dollars *** 
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your
father for another, how many dollars would
you have?
father for another, how many dollars would
you have?
JOHNNY: One dollar.
TEACHER: (sadly) You don't know your arithmetic.
JOHNNY: (sadly) You don't know my father.
*** Your Invitation *** 
An elderly woman rushed up the stairs to the church, late for the wedding.
An usher asked to see her invitation.
An usher asked to see her invitation.
"I don't have one," she said.
"Well, then, are you a friend of the groom?" He asked.
" NO," snapped the woman, "I'm the bride's mother."
*** Race Results ***
Some race horses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.
"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wowwwww!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.
"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wowwwww!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
*** A Professional *** 
A woman received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy for some medication for her daughter. She returned to her car to find she had locked her keys inside. She had to get home to her sick daughter, and didn't know what to do.
She called home to the baby sitter, and was told her daughter was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground, as if
someone else had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God for help. An old rusty car pulled up, driven by a dirty, greasy, bearded man with a biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "Great God. This is what you sent to help me?" But she was desperate, and thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked if he could help. She said
"Yes, my daughter is very sick. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car."
He said, "SURE."
He walked over to the car and in seconds the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "THANK YOU SO MUCH.....You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I ain't a nice man. I just got out of prison
for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again and cried out loud, "THANK YOU, GOD, FOR SENDING ME A PROFESSIONAL!"
She called home to the baby sitter, and was told her daughter was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground, as if
someone else had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God for help. An old rusty car pulled up, driven by a dirty, greasy, bearded man with a biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "Great God. This is what you sent to help me?" But she was desperate, and thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked if he could help. She said
"Yes, my daughter is very sick. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car."
He said, "SURE."
He walked over to the car and in seconds the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "THANK YOU SO MUCH.....You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I ain't a nice man. I just got out of prison
for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again and cried out loud, "THANK YOU, GOD, FOR SENDING ME A PROFESSIONAL!"
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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