Don't Worry Monday
Posted by: bigguyhereagain <bigguyhereagain@...>
My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football
game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was
feeling a little wistful.
"You know," he said to our grandson Nick, "it's not easy getting
old. I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now."
"Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerfully. "Maybe you'll go
into overtime."
Arbitrator (ar'-bi-tray-ter): A cook that leaves
Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable (uh-voy'-duh-buhl): What a bullfighter
tries to do.
Baloney (buh-lo'-nee): Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette (burn'-a-det): The act of torching a
mortgage.
Burglarize (bur'-gler-ize): What a crook sees with.
Control (kon-trol'): A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters (kown-ter-fit-ers): Workers who put
together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse (ee-klips'): what an English barber does for
a living.
Eyedropper (i'-drop-ur): a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes (hee'-rhos): what a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank (left' bangk'): what the robber did when
his bag was full of loot.
Misty (mis'-tee): How golfers create divots.
Paradox (par'-u-doks): two physicians.
Parasites (par'-uh-sites): what you see from the
top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist (farm'-uh-sist): a helper on the farm.
Polarize (po'-lur-ize): what penguins see with.
Primate (pri'-mayt): removing your spouse from in
front of the TV.
Relief (ree-leef'): what trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck (rub'-er-nek): what you do to relax your
wife.
Seamstress (seem'-stres): describes 200 pounds in a
size two.
Selfish (sel'-fish): what the owner of a seafood
store does.
Subdued (sub-dood'): a guy that works on one of
those submarines.
Sudafed (sood'-a-fed): bringing litigation against
a government official.
The tribal wisdom of the North American Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
In the Public Service (or University system) however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies is often employed, such as:
1. Change riders.
2. Buy a strong whip.
3. Do nothing: "This is the way we have always ridden dead horses."
4. Visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses.
5. Perform a productivity study to see if lighter riders improve the dead horse's performance.
6. Hire a contractor to ride the dead horse.
7. Harness several dead horses together in an attempt to increase the speed.
8. Provide additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
9. Appoint a committee to study the horse and assess how dead it actually is.
10. Re-classify the dead horse as "living-impaired."
11. Develop a Strategic Plan for the management of dead horses.
12. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for all horses.
13. Modify existing standards to include dead horses.
14. Declare that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line than many other horses.
15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position (but the competition for positions is fierce).
Have a Blessed Day
Dave and Barbara
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