E-pistle for April 8, 2005
Posted by: info <info@...>
Dr. Curt Scarborough, President FreeWay
Foundation April 8, 2005
In This Issue:
"Salome & Herodias"
New Theology Classes
Curt Scarborough's Interviews From HELL
Featuring Today's Special Guests
SALOME & HERODIAS
CS I am talking today with one of the most notorious
mother-daughter
teams in history, Queen Herodias and Princess
Salome. Tell me,
ladies, why did you hate John the Baptist so much?
Salome I didn't hate him at all! I just did what mother told me
to do.
Herodias Don't act so innocent! You deliberately inflamed your
lecherous
step-father with your dance of the seven veils in
order to finagle a
favor out of the old fool.
CS Please! Haven't you had plenty of time to settle this
among yourselves
during these past two thousand years?
Herodias You're a fool too! My daughter and I haven't communicated
with each
other since the day we entered this torture chamber.
CS You haven't even talked?
Salome It's impossible here . . . all of us are in solitary
confinement.
CS But I've heard people say, "I may be going to hell,
but I'll have lots of
interesting company there!"
Herodias IDIOTS! What do they think . . . that this is one
never-ending party?
Salome There aren't any inter-personal relationships! I've been
so lonely here
that I would have welcomed a few minutes with my
self-centered hag
of a mother. But even that contact is denied us.
CS May we review your family history? I'd like to ask .
. .
Herodias You nosy reporters are all alike! What are you trying to
do, use us to
sell a few more newspapers or magazines?
Salome Yeah! What's in it for us?
CS I merely thought you'd like the opportunity to set the
record straight.
Herodias Very well! It all started with my second husband's
father.
CS I think you're lost me already.
Salome Pay attention, bird-brain!
Herodias My second husband was Herod Antipas, and his father was
called
Herod the Great . . . although God knows there
wasn't anything great
about him!
CS Herod the Great. Wasn't he the king of Judea when the
Messiah was
born in Bethlehem?
Salome Yes. Grandpa never got over being tricked by those Wise
Men from
the East!
Herodias He took out his anger and frustration by killing a few
insignificant
peasant boys in the region around the City of David.
CS So when Herod the Great died, your second husband
became king?
Herodias Do a little research, you moron! Herod's first son,
Archelaus succeeded
him, and his second son, Herod Antipas (my husband)
became ruler
of Galilee and Perea, in northern Palestine.
CS So how did John the Baptist get involved with your
family?
Herodias He was a pious, blue-nosed hypocrite! He publicly
denounced my
marriage to Herod after I'd divorced my first
husband, Philip.
Salome Philip was my father, the brother of Herod.
CS So your step-father was also your uncle? What did you
call him?
Salome I didn't call him anything! HE called me.
Herodias The old goat was infatuated with her.
Salome The truth is, he married the old bag in order to be near
me!
Herodias That's a lie! And you know it, you ungrateful slut!
CS So King Herod called on you, Salome, to dance at one
of his parties?
Salome He got so excited, he promised to give me anything I asked
for . . .
even half of his kingdom!
CS That was quite an offer!
Salome But mother forced me to ask for something totally
worthless.
Herodias I swore I'd have that filthy prophet's head on a platter!
CS But wasn't the king afraid to harm John?
Herodias He was petrified! But I insisted! He'd promised to give
Salome
anything she desired . . . and he'd spoken before
many witnesses.
Salome He almost had a heart attack when I asked for John's head!
CS King Herod respected John the Baptist as a man of God.
Herodias My husband was not very bright!
Salome But what he lacked in intelligence, he made up in
stupidity!
CS Did either of you ever have any pains of conscience
over the
execution of John the Baptist?
Salome I regretted that I hadn't asked for something more
valuable. I never
was able to get Uncle-Daddy to make that same
promise again.
Herodias I say, beheading was exactly what he deserved! It sure
shut his big
mouth for good! But Herod never got over it!
CS What do you mean?
Herodias When Jesus of Nazareth came preaching and healing, Herod
thought
that John the Baptist had risen from the dead!
Salome He wanted to see if Jesus was really John, but he was
afraid to go out
to check for himself.
Herodias Later, when we were visiting in Jerusalem, the Roman
governor,
Pilate, invited my husband to question Jesus at his
trail.
Salome He hoped that Jesus would perform a miracle for him . . .
but the
Nazarene didn't open his mouth to say a single word.
CS Do either of you have any words of advice you'd like
to give our readers?
Salome I watched Jesus when my step-father questioned Him. It
was obvious
which one was the real king, and which was the real
criminal.
Herodias I got my revenge on John the Baptist, but it didn't really
satisfy me or
make me happy. And, when God says, "Vengeance is
Mine, I will
repay," we should pay attention to His words.
CS Thank you, Queen Herodias and Princess Salome, for
those important
truths: "Jesus is Lord" and "Vengeance belongs to
God."
Pillsbury College & Seminary
Institute of Theological Studies
After more than a year of investigation of Christian higher
educational resources, the administration, faculty, and Board of Regents of
Pillsbury College & Seminary decided to add to our present courses the
curriculum developed by the Institute of Theological Studies of Grand
Rapids, Michigan. We have studied and are in full agreement with the ITS
statement of Faith, and with its Vision, Mission, and Purpose Statements.
The Institute of Theological Studies is not a school; rather it
is the world's leading network of distance learning theological education
resources. ITS courses meet the highest graduate level requirements of
theological education, and all ITS courses have been developed and approved
by the Dean of 24 large participating schools, including Covenant
Theological Seminary of St. Louis, Missouri. The 58 courses (24 lectures
each) were recorded by an virtual "Who's Who" of evangelical theologians,
and are available on audio cassette, CD- ROM, video, or the internet.
Over 100 Bible Colleges and Theological Seminaries use ITS
curriculum. Among these schools are five Southern Baptist seminaries
(Midwestern in Kansas City, MO., Southern in Louisville, KY., Southwestern
in Ft. Worth, TX., Southeastern in Wake Forest, NC., and Golden Gate in Mill
Valley, CA.,) Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, CA, Wheaton Graduate
School in Wheaton, IL, and many other very prominent schools also use ITS
curriculum. Pillsbury has not intention of entering into competition
against these great theological institutions.
However, these 100 colleges and seminaries that endorse and use
ITS curriculum primarily are on-campus schools which allow students to take
only a few select ITS courses by distance learning. Pillsbury will stand
uniquely as a degree granting institution that offers all 58 ITS courses in
six areas of concentration by distance learning, leading to an accredited
Master of Ministry or Doctor of Ministry degree.
If you have questions concerning these degrees or any other
offered by Pillsbury College & Seminary, call Dr. Curt Scarborough at
314.739.1121 or e-mail info@freewayfoundation.org
"If all I'm remembered for is being a good basketball player,
then I've done a bad job with the rest of my life."
- Isiah Thomas
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